White House Physician: Trump’s Narcolepsy ‘Normal’ for a Healthy Octogenarian Pedophile
WASHINGTON — White House physician, Captain Sean Barbarella, announced that recent viral clips of President Trump snoozing at his desk during Oval Office press conferences and nodding off in a luxury box at Madison Square Garden during the …
Where Have All the Real Women Gone? All I Want Is To Find a Girl I Can Have a Deep, Philosophical, Me-Talking-Only Conversation With
Once again, I have found myself in a situation where I am frustrated to say the least at all the women I am encountering in… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Karaoke Night Sound Guy Rigs Mic To Electrocute Anyone Who Tries To Hit the Falsetto in ‘Take on Me’
Trump Softens on GWAR After Learning They Own Slaves
WASHINGTON — A recent federal investigation into the theatrical rock group GWAR regarding their mock execution of Donald Trump on stage has been called off… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Punk Findom Bullies Men Out of Their Cigarettes
DETROIT — Punk financial dominatrix Sierra “Piss” Richardson nearly doubled her clientele in three days after pivoting to bullying area punks out of their cigarettes,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Casino Throws Out Old Money at End of Day
Oh, You’re a Buckethead Fan? Name Three Items on the KFC Menu
Hey you. Yeah, you with the Chicago Bulls jersey and the nunchucks doing what looks like a robot dance. And is that the game “Clue”… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Music
Karaoke Night Sound Guy Rigs Mic To Electrocute Anyone Who Tries To Hit the Falsetto in ‘Take on Me’
GETTYSBURG, Pa. — Local sound guy and part-time sadist Rick Smithston recently made life a whole hell of a lot easier for the crowd when he engineered his sound system to painfully and memorably electrocute any karaoke participant who attempted…
Riot Fest Drafts Preemptive Morrissey Cancellation Tweet
CHICAGO — Organizers of Riot Fest have reportedly drafted multiple social media updates in the…
Sociologists Confirm Childfree Women Who Like Bob Seger Technically Daddies
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Top sociologists at Harvard University revealed that childfree women who like Bob…
Wistful Tom Delonge Reflects on ‘Pahhseeng of Toime’
SAN DIEGO — Blink-182 co-founder and co-lead vocalist Tom Delonge was recently spotted at Balboa…
Drummer Using Other Band's Drum Throne Lines It With Toilet Paper
PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Jake Stamberg of local metal outfit A Stance Defiant borrowed fellow drummer…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…