Theater-Goer Shocked as Tiny Men Emerge From ‘The Odyssey’ Popcorn Bucket
LOS ANGELES — Local theater-goer Glen Davis received the shock of his life during a recent screening of “The Odyssey,” when a hatch in his Trojan Horse-shaped popcorn bucket opened up and a battalion of tiny armored men emerged, witnesses r…
Plot Twist: Shirtless, Jacked Mitch McConnell Emerges From Seclusion “Ready To Fuck”
WASHINGTON — In a stunning upset to rumors that he was dying, if not already dead, Senator Mitch McConnell appeared in public today sporting an… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Man Who Lived Fast, Died Young Leaves Surprisingly Ugly Corpse
I May Have Physically Outweighed Sam Neill by Several Thousand Lbs, but When It Comes to Talent He Was a Giant — Guest Obituary by the T.rex From Jurassic Park
It is in the mouth of sadness that I find myself today. My esteemed Co-star and close friend, Sir Nigel John Dermot Neill, has sadly… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Donald Trump Accuses China of Shitting His Pants
WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump has accused China of shitting his pants in addition to interfering in the 2020 presidential election, repulsed sources report. “After… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Heart Reveal They Were Challenged To Name Five of Their Own Songs Before Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction
Oh, You’re a Buckethead Fan? Name Three Items on the KFC Menu
Hey you. Yeah, you with the Chicago Bulls jersey and the nunchucks doing what looks like a robot dance. And is that the game “Clue”… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
Heart Reveal They Were Challenged To Name Five of Their Own Songs Before Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction
CLEVELAND — Classic rock band Heart revealed that they were challenged to name five of their own songs before they were allowed to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2013, sources from the group recently…
Drummer Not Interviewed
GRETNA, La. — In an interview with pop-punk quartet Nuevo Leon, rock journalist Sophia Tang…
Kerry King Inspires Man to Uselessly Fuck Around on Guitar for 40 Years
WESTMINSTER, Md. — Slayer guitarist Kerry King reportedly inspired local man Evan Tremont to uselessly…
Angine de Poitrine Ask Opener If They Have a Double-Necked Microtonal Guitar/Bass They Can Borrow After Gear Stolen
SEATTLE — French-Canadian experimental rock duo Angine de Poitrine scrambled to find replacements for their…
All-American Rejects Play Pop-Up Show During All-American Rejects Set
HAVERFORD, Pa. — The All-American Rejects played a surprise pop-up show during an All-American Rejects…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…