We all know dating sucks, but one of the Internet’s few redeeming qualities is its ability to match you with someone you have a better…
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — The Butthole Surfers were harassed today by territorial surf locals that were reportedly trying to keep their favorite butt breaks secret,…
What a week, huh? What a week, huh? What a week, huh? What a week, huh? What a… sorry. With all the news lately, we’ve…
WASHINGTON — Trump brothers Don Jr. and Eric were witnessed throwing tantrums in the White House halls, insisting their father arrange a “totally awesome” slumber…
Being in your late 30s can be challenging. You’re ten years too late and a thousand accomplishments short of joining the 27 club. You notice…
WASHINGTON — Members of the House of Representatives passed an increasingly rare bi-partisan bill that will set aside money to train struggling farmers in the…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local hardcore entrepreneur Jeremiah Tiff aimed to open up a second pit after the successful launch of his first one, confirmed sources…
Having trouble breaking into the job market with just your skills and qualifications? That’s adorable. When I was young, we earned our positions the old-school…
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance once again shared his belief that Americans need to be having more babies, though sources say it’s become increasingly…
LEBANON, Kan. — The Trump administration announced that the Department of Education has been wholly replaced by a giant iPad playing a constant stream of…
COTTAGE GROVE, Ore. — Local grindcore drummer Jermaine Anderson assured his girlfriend Tatiana Wayford that being in his band has yet to result in attention…
Sure, most people occasionally unwind with a drink or go to happy hour after work but I’m on a very different journey than “most people.”…
HAMDEN, Conn. — A new Quinnipiac University poll suggested that President Trump’s approval ratings hit an all-time high among nine-year-olds whose parents are total dogshit,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A time capsule that a local punk buried 25 years ago was recently unearthed and discovered to have been filled with nothing…
With so many dubious reports and “studies” flooding our news channels and social media, it is damn near impossible to reach a consensus on anything.…