Your Hand Would Look Beat up Too if You Peeled a Whole Orange All by Yourself – Guest Post by Donald Trump
Well, the Democrat-communist-terrorist spin machine is at it again, the ANTIFAs… they're saying now “Oh, look at the bruise on his hand, he must be DYING!” Isn’t that ridiculous, “His hand has a bruise, his health must be failing!” You kn…
Chick-fil-A to Source All Meat From Humanely Crucified Chickens by 2029
COLLEGE PARK, Ga. — Christian fast food chain restaurant Chick-fil-A announced its intent to have all of its meat sourced from humanely crucified chickens by… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Mom Brings Salad Spinner in for 30,000 Spin Tune-up
New Welfare Stipulation Requires Recipients to Promise Not to Enjoy Purchased Goods
FRESNO, Calif. — A new welfare stipulation requires recipients to pledge that they will not enjoy any purchased goods from using the benefits, confirmed local… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Panicked Ben Shapiro Puts Wet Wife into Big Bag of Rice
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Conservative political commentator Ben Shapiro rushed to dry out his wife after she told him of her condition, according to sources… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Man Finally Rich and Successful Enough To Accept Internship
Trump To Deliver “I Have an Even Better Dream, Possibly the Best Dream” Speech
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump is preparing to deliver a speech entitled, “I Have an Even Better Dream, Possibly the Best Dream” at the National… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Music
Paul Simon’s ‘Kodachrome’ Voted Best Song on the ‘Coneheads’ Soundtrack for 32nd Year in a Row
NEW YORK — Online music magazine Pitchfork once again ranked Paul Simon’s 1973 hit “Kodachrome” number one on its annual ranking of the songs on the soundtrack to the 1993 science-fiction comedy film “Coneheads,” sources report. “It was close this…
AI-Generated Metallica Song Better Than Anything They’ve Released in Over Three Decades
CUPERTINO, Calif. — An AI-generated Metallica song titled “Am I Revenge Forgiven II?” sounded better…
Fans Reminded Not to Feed Dave Grohl
PHILADELPHIA — Foo Fighters’ production staff put in long hours taping up signs warning fans…
Tiny Desk Concert Not Particularly Receptive to Tiny Circle Pit
WASHINGTON — An attempted tiny circle pit during a Tiny Desk Concert in NPR’s headquarters…
Kid Rock Fan Misses Custody Hearing Due To Bail Hearing
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Jimmy Fetsar missed a child custody hearing because he was at a…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…