NEW YORK — New York Mayor Eric Adams announced he plans to give Sean “Diddy” Combs a second key to the city with the ability…
BOCA CHICA, Texas – The world’s richest man, Elon Musk, says that he will be creating a new political party based heavily on his careful…
CORTLAND, N.Y. — Local man Thomas Harper mistakenly ordered a large number of CDs by nu-metal band Powerman 5000 in a frenzied attempt to purchase…
Nu-metal really was a fantastically underrated genre, and society has suffered from it not being in the mainstream for the past two decades. Luckily, thanks…
LOS ANGELES — Taylor Swift, the popular recording artist with a key supporting role in “The Lorax” (2012), was reportedly “stoked beyond belief” to have…
WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Polyamorous woman Leanne Farina is experiencing the struggle of finding a different group chat in which to bitch about each of…
Meet 56-year-old Don Harlow of Milford, Connecticut. In the wake of his divorce, Harlow has found solace in dating 20-year-old Jenna Fairmont. As his marriage…
AUSTIN, Texas — Aging Black Flag founder and lead guitarist Greg Ginn mainly hired a bunch of Zoomers to be his new bandmates so he’d…
WATERVILLE, Maine — Lead guitarist Lloyd Weil of band Visceral Stench surprised his bandmates by adding an unbelievably intricate solo to their song “Molestation of…
How many times have you been watching TV when a Taco Bell commercial comes on showing hot, smiling twenty-somethings “chilling” and “laughing” and you think…
ASBURY PARK, N.J. — Local 41-year-old Teddy Moore is being hailed as a hero after multiple witnesses confirmed he attended a local punk show on…
HIALEAH, Fla. — Local Netflix user Julia Owen was left contemplating her sense of self, purpose, and place in the world after Netflix suggested she…
So Rick Rubin is producing your next album. Fantastic news! He’s a musical genius known for unconventional production methods such as transcendental snacking and recumbent…
WASHINGTON — ICE unveiled a new recruitment ad today that was just Saliva’s “Click, Click, Boom” playing at an insanely loud volume over a video…
It’s been another week filled with devastating heat, threats of World War III, and even worse, a new Benson Boone album. You might be wondering…