OK, so apparently our new intern Caleb is completely full of shit. We hired him because he said he could make an interview happen with…
CAMILLUS, N.Y. — Local black metal band Bügnorkvlt shrouded a crowd with their evil, mystifying atmosphere, despite playing at a barely attended bowling alley, corpse-painted…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump recently paid his respects to filmmaker David Lynch with a drawn out speech primarily focusing on his deep admiration of…
At first glance, Bagel Bytes might just seem like your average, ordinary, everyday post-electroclash trio. But the Greenpoint outfit has also been revealed as one…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — Local 46-year-old metalhead Rich Dresden nervously concocted a complex narrative to explain to the clerk at Urgent Breakdown Records why he was…
EDMONDS, Wash. — Local punk Joe Solomon suggested his friend Donald Dell ditch his crippling Zyn addiction by switching to cigarettes, confirmed sources who were…
Spotting someone in public wearing a shirt of a metal band you also like can immediately trigger a camaraderie that is seldom seen in other…
NEW YORK — The Chrysler Building was recently overheard complaining that it wasn’t one of the buildings targeted by terrorists on 9/11, a close source…
NORTH ATTLEBORO, Mass. — Several youths were ordered to stop playing with miniature skateboards by very small police officers outside the Emerald Square Mall, according…
Son, I remember what times were like when I was your age: the school crushes, the long, agonizing classes, the “locker room talk”…but maybe most…
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Just days away from completing his dry January goal, local abstainer Adam Cowell gave in to mounting temptation and crushed a 30-rack…
So you’ve moved out of your family home in Westchester and are starting your first undergraduate semester at Columbia in the big city. What kind…
DENVER — Local biker gang The Chaos Crusaders was reportedly riding around town in matching outfits, captivated and deafened sources confirmed. “They’re a noisy group…
Most people are satisfied with the humdrum routine of everyday life. For the average homebody, something as simple as switching to flavored coffee creamer or…
OSLO, Norway — Physicists at the Goering Institute of Hardcore Physics recently discovered a new form of toilet paper thinner than a photon of light,…