After years of denial, we at The Hard Times finally opened up and were honest with ourselves about our proclivity for nu-metal. As such, we…
BETHLEHEM, Pa. — Local conservative man and general douchebag Chet Dyker was spotted at a Halloween party this past weekend telling women dressed as sexy…
Formed just two years before the counterculture and dirty smelly hippy festival known as Woodstock, Ann Arbor, Michigan’s The Stooges proved to the world that…
CINCINNATI — Ophelia Kingsley, an esteemed thereminist who has been a featured guest player with the London Symphony, Orchestre de Paris, and the Los Angeles…
Our own vanity plays a huge part in making the “body horror” genre of movies so terrifying. One day you’re walking around in your mid-20’s…
NEW YORK — Local metalhead Noel Donner is feeling nervous about the longevity of his relationship after finding the Peter Steele issue of Playgirl hidden…
Well folks, it’s been another week filled with rapidly decreasing sunlight and gross moldy leaves that remind you of your own fleeting mortality. Nobody likes…
Yikes! Is your relationship on the rocks — or fully over — right when you were supposed to be dressing up for Halloween to show…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Attendees at a recent performance by goth band Choking Ghost were admitted at a discount provided they brought a donation in the…
Feel Old Yet? The Demon Goat Guy on the Cover of Venom’s “Black Metal” Just Had His 4,078th Birthday
Feel Old Yet? The Demon Goat Guy on the Cover of Venom’s “Black Metal” Just Had His 4,078th Birthday
Who’s got two horns, helped to spearhead the first wave (and only true wave, for my money) of black metal and just hit the big…
WASHINGTON — The minds behind the much-reviled Project 2025 announced new plans to capture ecological superhero Captain Planet and his trusty Planeteers in order to…
Do you have a mass of cells in your reproductive organs that you need to stop from replicating but live in a state that withholds…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Local punk Roxy Molloy reportedly invited guests to bob for cigarettes at her annual Halloween party at DIY venue The Sharp,…
Every Fall I watch you normies get all excited that “spooky season” is here once again. That means it’s time for you to put up…
LOS ANGELES — Local blitzed music executive at RCA Records repeatedly contacted Mariah Carey’s camp to collaborate on a new single called “All I Want…