BUFFALO, N.Y. — A stunning rendition of The Beatles’ 1965 hit “Yesterday” by busker Alan Wentzel was completely overshadowed by an unhoused man masturbating in…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Major companies are reportedly scrambling to come up with workplace perks that can rival masturbating freely in the comfort of their own…
When I got hired as Jack Black’s assistant, I was stoked thinking it would be an easy gig of picking up lunches of gourmet Panda…
PUEBLO, Colo. — Metalhead James Kingor concluded that it’s just easier to let his family think he’s goth instead of constantly explaining the intricacies of…
Another week has come and gone and we are no better for it. In fact, some would argue we are far worse. Luckily we are…
ATLANTA — Hooters announced that it would be closing dozens of stores nationwide as part of a bankruptcy restructuring plan, as their customer base has…
Listen, times are tough. Global trade alliances are collapsing, resource scarcity is escalating, and it’s getting harder each day to convince yourself that war is…
FREDERICK, Md. — Veteran road warrior and merch guy for international touring powerhouse, Bashful Dominatrix, revealed that he was dying from a terminal illness and…
NEWPORT NEWS, Va. — Local doctor, and self-described nihilist, recommended more sleep for better mood, improved brain function, and a faster return to the endless…
The job market is absolutely brutal right now. And when you’re someone like me, who doesn’t have a “bachelor’s degree” in the traditional sense, it…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local teenage punk Mathias Schuler is teetering between the kind of punk that makes a positive impact on society or the type…
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Local man Adam Jones fell under scrutiny after his claims of “liking all genres of music” was merely referencing King Gizzard and…
There I was, minding my own business, walking through the frozen food aisle at Stop & Shop, when the sweet sound of an A chord…
CHICAGO — A new sleep study released today by DIY Labs confirmed that your current level of inebriation is woefully inadequate for a punk’s night’s…
HELL — Legendary professional wrestler, adulterer, and noted racist Hulk Hogan admitted he was confused as to why heaven seemed so much hotter than he…