Kristi Noem Announces Alternative Puppy Bowl
WASHINGTON — Inspired by Turning Point’s alternative halftime show, Kristi Noem has announced that she will be airing her own version of The Puppy Bowl to compete with the “Woke” Animal Planet program. “The Puppy Bowl, as it curren…
I Thought I Was a Republican, Turns Out I Just Needed a Dom
If there is a conservative in your life, be it a relative, acquaintance, or just an online troll who won’t leave you alone, I urge… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Millennial Recounts Extinct Social Tradition Known as the ‘House Party’
Sex Offender Goes Door to Door Informing Neighborhood This an ICE Raid
MINNEAPOLIS — Minneapolis residents were reportedly on high alert today after a masked sex offender began going door to door informing them that this was… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
The Next Clark Kent/Superman? We’ve Never Seen Ice and the Proud Boys at the Same Place at the Same Time
Look, I’m no detective. I lack the intelligence, training, qualifications, and decency to perform such a job — much like an ICE agent — I’m… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
ICE Agent Returns Home to Hero’s Welcome From AI Girlfriend
Alice in Chains Album Buried in Pet Sematary Emerges as Godsmack Album
LUDLOW, Maine — A copy of Alice in Chains’ 1992 LP “Dirt” buried in the Mi’kmaq grounds behind Ludlow’s famed Pet Sematary emerged as a… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Music
Fog Machine Successfully Obscures Bassist
BANGOR, Maine — Members of death metal band Rhino Sphincter expressed relief that the fog machine they rolled out during a recent performance successfully hid their bassist from the crowd, according to nearby sources gasping for air. “Half the time…
Alice in Chains Album Buried in Pet Sematary Emerges as Godsmack Album
LUDLOW, Maine — A copy of Alice in Chains’ 1992 LP “Dirt” buried in the…
Opening Band Impresses Headliner With 45 Minutes of Meticulous Tuning
DENVER — Local math-ska band Honkzonga recently wasted theirs and everyone else's time while trying…
Band Sells Out by Making a Living Playing the Music They Always Wanted To Create
SEATTLE — Punk band Hot Ghost Bingo Host, who has achieved success with their recent…
It Unclear Whether Bluegrass Fan the Redneck Kind or the NPR Kind
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Bluegrass fan Kyle McCormick left everyone who encountered him at Preservation Pub…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…