Fans Reminded Not to Feed Dave Grohl
PHILADELPHIA — Foo Fighters’ production staff put in long hours taping up signs warning fans not to feed frontman Dave Grohl, high-strung sources reported. “We’re always nervous about Fooies coming to see the show for the first tim…
We Thought We Landed an Interview With the Steve Miller Band’s Singer, but It Turns Out This Guy Works in the Government, and He’s Really Fucking Awful
OK, first off, why are we being tasked with interviewing the frontman for The Steve Miller Band? We’re a punk news website, and we’re only… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
AI Enters Race for ‘Sexiest Person Alive’ Citing Data Centers So Hot They Literally Can Not Cool Down
New Welfare Stipulation Requires Recipients to Promise Not to Enjoy Purchased Goods
FRESNO, Calif. — A new welfare stipulation requires recipients to pledge that they will not enjoy any purchased goods from using the benefits, confirmed local… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Panicked Ben Shapiro Puts Wet Wife into Big Bag of Rice
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Conservative political commentator Ben Shapiro rushed to dry out his wife after she told him of her condition, according to sources… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Man Finally Rich and Successful Enough To Accept Internship
Trump To Deliver “I Have an Even Better Dream, Possibly the Best Dream” Speech
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump is preparing to deliver a speech entitled, “I Have an Even Better Dream, Possibly the Best Dream” at the National… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
Kid Rock Fan Misses Custody Hearing Due To Bail Hearing
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Jimmy Fetsar missed a child custody hearing because he was at a bail hearing stemming from a fistfight he instigated outside a Kid Rock concert, emotionally volatile sources confirmed. “It wasn’t my fuckin’ fault!” yelled Fetsar, punching…
Scantily Clad, Greased up Beefcake Sick of People Thinking He’s in Manowar
AUBURN, N.Y. — Local greased up beefcake Roger Bornecki expressed his frustration at people’s continuous…
Garage Band Blissfully Unaware These Are Best Acoustics They’ll Ever Have
OMAHA, Neb. — Local garage rock band the Wet Tongues are completely, perhaps even blissfully,…
Morgan Wallen Denies A.I. Used for New Song 'Country Music, Also Known as Country and Western or Simply Country, Is a Music Genre'
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Country superstar and mullet aficionado Morgan Wallen recently denied accusations that artificial…
Aging Rocker Caught Lip-Syncing Orgasm Noises
LAS VEGAS — Aging rock musician Dean John-Dean, vocalist for the 1970s one-hit wonder band…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…