“People Die in War,” Shrugs Man Who Has Spent Hours Screaming About Trans Kids Playing Softball
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump, famous for his loud, impassioned tirades about such topics as high school trans athletes, the contents of Hunter Biden’s laptop, and the democratic hoax of affordability problems for the average American…
Wife Begrudgingly Encourages Husband To Buy the Fender Custom Shop Guitar Instead of AR-15
LA MIRADA, Calif. — Kat Rapier decided to let her husband purchase a Fender Custom Shop guitar he’d been eyeing for years after he suddenly… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Couple Way Too Hot To Be Punk
Five Underrated Death Metal Albums You Might as Well Discuss in This Job Interview Since They’re Clearly Not Going To Hire You
Oh shit, this interview is not going well. As soon as this guy used the phrase “income statement”, you knew your decision to embellish your… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Trump Fires Noem, Nominates Markwayne Mullin To Fuck Corey Lewandowski on Luxury Jets
WASHINGTON — President Trump will be firing Secretary of Homeland Security and nominating Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin to take over all of her duties, including… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Man Breaks World Record for Most Failed Attempts at ‘The Artist’s Way’
ICE Agent Moved to Tears During Domestic Abuse Portion of ‘Down With the Sickness’
MINNEAPOLIS — Local ICE Agent Arnie Blacksmith was moved to tears during the “domestic abuse” part of the Disturbed single “Down With the Sickness,” therapy-avoiding… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Music
Band Touring Through Oregon Loses Member to Dysentery
OREGON CITY, Ore. — Florida band The Schticks reportedly lost their bass player Lars “Puke Boy” Barkerton to dysentery while touring from Missouri to Oregon, confirmed sources. “We’ve been on the road for a few weeks now and I just…
Five Underrated Death Metal Albums You Might as Well Discuss in This Job Interview Since They’re Clearly Not Going To Hire You
Oh shit, this interview is not going well. As soon as this guy used the…
Prodigy Punk Toddler Can Already Count to 1, 2, 1 2 3 4
SEATTLE — Local toddler Piper Huga brought pre-k class to a halt this week after…
Diarrhea Planet Apologize for Making Good Music After Naming Their Band That
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Garage punk band Diarrhea Planet issued an apology for releasing good music…
New Aaron Lewis Album Crowdsourced From r/Conservative
WORTHINGTON, Mass. — Country musician and patriot cosplayer Aaron Lewis admitted this week that he…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…