“People Die in War,” Shrugs Man Who Has Spent Hours Screaming About Trans Kids Playing Softball
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump, famous for his loud, impassioned tirades about such topics as high school trans athletes, the contents of Hunter Biden’s laptop, and the democratic hoax of affordability problems for the average American…
Wife Begrudgingly Encourages Husband To Buy the Fender Custom Shop Guitar Instead of AR-15
LA MIRADA, Calif. — Kat Rapier decided to let her husband purchase a Fender Custom Shop guitar he’d been eyeing for years after he suddenly… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Couple Way Too Hot To Be Punk
Five Underrated Death Metal Albums You Might as Well Discuss in This Job Interview Since They’re Clearly Not Going To Hire You
Oh shit, this interview is not going well. As soon as this guy used the phrase “income statement”, you knew your decision to embellish your… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
Trump Fires Noem, Nominates Markwayne Mullin To Fuck Corey Lewandowski on Luxury Jets
WASHINGTON — President Trump will be firing Secretary of Homeland Security and nominating Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin to take over all of her duties, including… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Man Breaks World Record for Most Failed Attempts at ‘The Artist’s Way’
ICE Agent Moved to Tears During Domestic Abuse Portion of ‘Down With the Sickness’
MINNEAPOLIS — Local ICE Agent Arnie Blacksmith was moved to tears during the “domestic abuse” part of the Disturbed single “Down With the Sickness,” therapy-avoiding… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Music
Study Confirms ‘Two Beers In’ Even Better 12 Beers In
EVANSTON, Ill. — A recent study out of Northwestern University confirmed that Free Throw’s iconic midwest emo anthem “Two Beers In” is even more enjoyable after 12 beers, confirmed sources. “As the Midwest’s premiere academic institution, it’s an honor to…
Couple Way Too Hot To Be Punk
LOS ANGELES — A young couple recently sighted at a local punk show was deemed…
ICE Agent Moved to Tears During Domestic Abuse Portion of ‘Down With the Sickness’
MINNEAPOLIS — Local ICE Agent Arnie Blacksmith was moved to tears during the “domestic abuse”…
Band Touring Through Oregon Loses Member to Dysentery
OREGON CITY, Ore. — Florida band The Schticks reportedly lost their bass player Lars “Puke…
Five Underrated Death Metal Albums You Might as Well Discuss in This Job Interview Since They’re Clearly Not Going To Hire You
Oh shit, this interview is not going well. As soon as this guy used the…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…