Israel Claims Hamas Holding Prime Real Estate Hostage
JERUSALEM, Israel — The Israeli Prime Minister’s office claimed Hamas was holding prime real estate hostage in dangerously tempting conditions, declaring the war would continue at full force until all desirable property and beachfront views…
How to Have “The Talk” with Your Son About Him Totally Disrespecting the Micro Machines He Inherited from You
Parenting is full of tough conversations — the birds and the bees, where do we come from, and the dreaded talk every father must have… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Brave! This Care Bear Just Added ‘Ethical Non-Monogamy’ to His Belly Badge
Hardee’s Introduces New All-Crouton Salad
FRANKLIN, Tenn. — American fast food restaurant chain Hardee’s has unveiled a new menu addition known as the All-Crouton Salad, sources report. “We’re proud to… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Band Photo Features Shirts of Four Better Bands
TORRANCE, Calif. — Up-and-coming hardcore band Loaf High are fending off critics after releasing a new batch of promo pictures that depict them wearing merch… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Brave! This Care Bear Just Added ‘Ethical Non-Monogamy’ to His Belly Badge
Opinion: You Can Be a Progressive and Still Hunt the Homeless for Sport – Guest Column by Gavin Newsom
My name is Chief Bob’s Big Boy in Charge of Things — Gavin Newsom. I’m writing this op-ed currently and with great intentions to talk… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
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Music
Ken Burns' ‘History of Grindcore’ 12 Seconds Long
ARLINGTON, Va. — PBS surprised viewers that a new documentary from acclaimed documentarian Ken Burns titled “History of Grindcore” clocked in at exactly 12 seconds, producers have confirmed. “As much as I am in love with the rich tapestry of…
Headset Microphone on Drummer Mostly Picks Up Heavy Breathing
ATLANTA — The Howling Goons’ plan to let their drummer assume extra vocal duties backfired…
So-Called Deicide Fan Gets Into Heaven
HEAVEN — Brock Sterling, a recently deceased metalhead and supposed fan of legendary death metal…
Band Photo Features Shirts of Four Better Bands
TORRANCE, Calif. — Up-and-coming hardcore band Loaf High are fending off critics after releasing a…
Puscifer Fan Shocked to Learn Vocalist Has Side Band
MINNEAPOLIS — Noted Puscifer fan and parolee Peter Schwartz recently learned the vocalist of his…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…