Heritage Foundation Unveils Project 2026 Valentine’s Day Cards for Child Brides
WASHINGTON — Far right think tank the Heritage Foundation announced part of its Project 2026 family initiatives, unveiling a massive collection of Valentines Day greeting cards for child brides, the retailers have confirmed. “We believe…
JD Vance Accidentally Gives Wife Valentine Addressed to Couch
WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance mistakenly gifted his wife Usha Vance a Valentine’s Day card that was meant for his living room couch, confirmed… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
We Look Back on the “Armageddon” Soundtrack Because, Look, We Don’t Have To Justify Ourselves to You, Ok?
Turning Point USA to Air Alternative Super Bowl Where Patriots Win
SANTA CLARA, Calif. — Conservative organization Turning Point USA will air an alternative Super Bowl that will give victory to the New England Patriots, confirmed… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
In Response to Trump’s Tasteless Meme, We Put His Face on the Body of a Known Rapist and Pedophile
It’s a sad state of affairs that we’ve all just gotten used to childish, wildly inappropriate behavior from our own president. He shares AI slop,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
JD Vance Accidentally Gives Wife Valentine Addressed to Couch
Tom Waits Insists Royalty Checks Be Delivered by Raven Wearing Top Hat
SONOMA COUNTY, Calif. — Eccentric singer Tom Waits demanded all correspondence be brought to him in increasingly unorthodox ways, frustrated couriers confirm. “The record company… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Music
Mosh Pit Resolves Man's Issues Quicker than Previous Six Years of Therapy
TOMS RIVER, N.J. — Local punk Harrison Williams found himself experiencing a new sense of inner peace after fucking up everyone in the pit at a local show did more to improve his mental health than the last six years…
Tom Waits Insists Royalty Checks Be Delivered by Raven Wearing Top Hat
SONOMA COUNTY, Calif. — Eccentric singer Tom Waits demanded all correspondence be brought to him…
Nation’s Deadbeat Dads Demand Some Sort of Summer Fest Featuring Cinderella, Damn Yankees
SAN FRANCISCO — Deadbeat dads across the nation demanded some sort of summer music festival…
Punk Oura Ring Notifies Wearer That They Haven’t Had Cigarette in Over an Hour
PORTLAND, Ore. — Makers of the Oura Ring, the health metric wearable, announced an option…
Suicidal Tendencies’ Mike Muir Now Sporting Full-Body Bandana
VENICE, Calif. — Mike Muir, singer for thrash-punk band Suicidal Tendencies, appeared onstage wearing a…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…