Australia Sees Sharp Increase in 17-Year-Olds
Ahead of Australia’s ban on children under 16 holding social media accounts, the country has seen a sharp increase in 17-year-olds, sources confirm. “I feel bad for kids who aren’t allowed to scroll through TikTok, I truly do, but I feel…
Juggalo Returns From Near Death Experience to Confirm Dark Carnival Is Real
HOLLAND, Mich. — A Juggalo who goes by the name Ice-Dawg awoke in the hospital after being declared legally dead for 10 minutes to confirm… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Opinion: Fuck You, You Absolute Fucker — Guest Opinion by Your Dad Trying to Hang Icicle Christmas Lights
Alright, you fucking shitheads. You pieces of fucking garbage shit-fuck. You absolutely diabolical, fermented excuse for human shit-fuck excrement. Christ almighty. Every fucking year you… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Hatebreed Fan Looks to Their Lyrics for Inspiration to Overcome Aggravated Assault Charge
SAN DIEGO — Hatebreed fan Scott Tamowsky found inspiration in the band’s lyrics to overcome a recent charge for aggravated assault, sources report. “Yeah, I’ve… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Help! My MAGA Relatives Are So Red Pilled They Think I like the Democrats
New Spotify Wrapped Feature Shows How Much of Your Money Went to Funding AI Warfare Technology
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Spotify released its popular annual year-end “Wrapped” feature which gives users a snapshot of their music and podcast listening trends along with… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
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Music
Hatebreed Fan Looks to Their Lyrics for Inspiration to Overcome Aggravated Assault Charge
SAN DIEGO — Hatebreed fan Scott Tamowsky found inspiration in the band’s lyrics to overcome a recent charge for aggravated assault, sources report. “Yeah, I’ve hit a bit of a rough patch with this charge, but Hatebreed is getting me…
“Enter Sandman” Voted Best Metallica Song by Random Drunk Dipshits at the Bar
WASHINGTON — A recent poll among the nation’s random drunk dipshits at the bar have…
Keith Richards Cancelled Over Controversial Relationship in 1890s
WESTON, Conn. — Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards is reportedly cancelled after fans discovered his…
New Spotify Wrapped Feature Shows How Much of Your Money Went to Funding AI Warfare Technology
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Spotify released its popular annual year-end “Wrapped” feature which gives users a…
Bassist Continues Pretending to Know What ‘Playing in the Pocket’ Means
MACON, Ga. — Lionel Quinn, bassist for local band Busted Hump, has no plans to…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…