PROVIDENCE, R.I — Local crust punk Phil “Sponge” Baker is planning on participating in today’s economic blackout by vowing to only use his parents’ credit…
Look at me, I’ve matured. It’s not all about hair, or style, or talent, for me anymore. What really gets me hot and bothered these…
HAMTRAMCK, Mich. — Local dumpster diver Kev Grubbs treated himself to some wet food that was beyond his typical dry diet, according to sources at…
NEW YORK — Local one-hit wonder band Owl Tempest reportedly apologized today for failing their fans after only being able to produce one timeless masterpiece…
NEW YORK — Local fashionable and slim brothers John and Bob Bedword are sick of being mistaken for a synth pop duo at a local…
To some, it is a delicious dish replete with grilled meats and vegetables, best enjoyed in the company of friends and family. However, to local…
CHICAGO — Local shoegaze band The Distant Star announced that they were intending to perform a couple more songs, ruining the nights of dozens of…
MESA, Ariz. — Local kinky couple Charles Huffman and Mallory Moore seemingly got aroused after coercing their friends and family to watch them profess their…
I’m old enough to remember a time when freedom of speech meant something in this country. Nowadays, our culture has been completely usurped by leftist…
LAWRENCE, Kan. — Employees of independent record store Tables Turned announced their coveted “Sexiest Woman Alive” award went to Lisa Loeb for the 29th consecutive…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local punk Kevin Wilder admitted he was feeling slightly fatigued after he completed a 5K race during a circle pit during a…
If you’re around millennial age, chances are pretty high that you got home from school every day to find your mother watching the newest episode…
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — A ceasefire has been reached after tense backstage negotiations at this weekend’s Battle of the Bands, confirmed relieved sources. “As fragile…
It’s been another week in the confusing hell-scape that is life. Just because the world seems to be crumbling at an alarming rate doesn’t mean…
TEL AVIV — IDF soldiers and fellow genocidal maniacs alike were excited to witness Israel’s version of Punxsutawney Phil seeing his shadow Monday morning, which…