OKLAHOMA CITY — Scientists announced that the ashes of a cremated punk were so toxic that it would likely poison the entire local ecosystem for…
Spring is in the air, which means festival season is upon us. It’s a glorious time to gather with friends, get violently dehydrated, and leave…
ABILENE, Texas — Local school sports fan Steven Flick will no longer offer his support if there’s a chance he could accidentally ogle a trans…
Are you a man over 30 with a little tummy and weird patches of overgrown body hair sprouting from your torso? Are you tired of…
MELBOURNE — Leading archaeology authorities excitedly reported they’re narrowing in on finally unearthing a song by Jet that isn’t “Are You Gonna Be My Girl,”…
WASHINGTON — Justices of the Supreme Court announced that they will release their opinions early to select subscribers of a new Patreon account for die-hard…
Bro, you know that guy I work with? The one who is always taking off his clothes and smearing his face with blackberry juice? It…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A life-long fan of the political rock group Rage Against the Machine expressed outrage that the band’s politics had changed from how…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Recently deceased grandmother of six Dorothy Roddenbury selfishly had a funeral on the same day Anthrax was scheduled to play at City…
We remember elementary school music class as a really informative and interactive experience where we learned the basics of sheet music and how different instruments…
BALTIMORE — A new report issued by John Hopkins University revealed local woman Cassie Maloney is showing early signs of settling for a partner that…
SAN FRANCISCO — Aaron Benet, CEO of tech start-up CodeVibe, sent a company-wide email explaining that he will be implementing a return to office policy…
Who doesn’t love “Weird Al” Yankovic? We sure as hell do! His parodies have poked fun at literal decades of classics, and in doing so,…
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Rebellious bartender Shae Ruggeri insisted on playing Semisonic’s signature song “Closing Time” exclusively at the start of her opening shifts, confirmed sources…
CHICAGO — Teenager Liam Mason is desperately holding out hope that Riot Fest’s mystery lineup will include a reunion of his bitterly divorced parents, sympathetic…