If there’s one thing we here at Hard Times are sure of, it’s that Father Time is undefeated all-time. Which makes sense, because after all,…
Do you have cold hands and really want everyone to know about it? Have you ever looked at sand and thought, ‘Mmm, I want that…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Professional punk magician Lyle “Skid” Harber is reportedly creating spectacles at a number of dive bars in his neighborhood by magically making…
Despite what your friends, family members, and recently assigned parole officer might say, circumstances that seem tragic right now will soon be something you and…
NEW YORK — Centrist supervillain Devin “The Devil’s Advocater” Jameston gave an impassioned monologue today revealing his plan for global domination is just ensuring the…
It’s a normal problem: your friend brought you to this exclusive sex party, but you want to listen to Sufjan Stevens. Suddenly, you’re in a…
As you probably know, FUCKIN’ SLAYYYYERRRR! But unfortunately, there are some people out there who are unaware. Yes, I know, it is very sad. What’s…
JOLIET, Ill. — Squatmate of the infamous Hell House Rodney “Worm” Mason is facing doubt from his peers after they discovered he owns not just…
Hey, uh, bit of a situation here. I’m a few measures into my song and just realized I made a grave mistake. The bridge has…
SAN FRANCISCO — Members of renowned San Francisco Anarcho-Punk band Reagan Splinter announced that in the past few years, they’ve moved away from their original…
AUBURN, N.Y. – Local dad and notorious shit disturber Walter Morris patiently waited for a lull during his family’s lovely Christmas dinner to launch into…
MADISON, Wis. — Local screen printer Peter Taylor admitted he could really use the $10 check his grandmother would send him every Christmas until her…
AKRON, Ohio — Progressive-minded, but very smelly, children across the world woke up to gifts from Crust Punk Santa who enters family homes via the…
NEW YORK — High-ranking Ticketmaster executive Chuck Dickenson reportedly charged significant fees to three ghosts who were visiting to teach him a timely lesson about…
It’s Christmas again, and your elderly family members still don’t understand how basic technology works. While you’re excited for free food, gifts, and general merriment,…