TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Nu-metal band Deranged found themselves the pariah of their local scene for failing to misspell their band name, sources report. “I wish…
As the secret proceedings of the Papal Conclave draw to a close, millions of people around the world are waiting with bated breath for the…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Sociologists at the University of Michigan have discovered a shocking correlation between Binaca use and an upcoming date with a smoking…
It was P.T. Barnum’s angsty cousin who once said, “There’s a poser born every minute,” and the older I get, the more I think truer…
MILWAUKEE — Legendary folk-punk group Violent Femmes announced Thursday that the band has finally bought a bass drum after 44 years of using just a…
BOSTON — Local liberal Brian Mullins, who is boycotting any company that he sees as supporting a fascist regime, spends all of his free time…
Listen, it seems like you’re a little upset now that you know I embellished certain aspects of my resume to land this interview, but I…
DAYTON, Ohio — Breeders frontwoman Kim Deal reportedly discovered today that she’d been fired from the Pixies after plugging in an old fax machine in…
LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Local dad Sean Nolan is once again using a weird, unexpected, and previously nonexistent slang term for his penis in casual conversation,…
When you’re struggling to succeed in today’s fast-paced B2B sales landscape, it’s easy to second-guess whether you’re cut out for this line of work or…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local punk Steve “Vomit” Parker reportedly began his annual metamorphosis into a Sublime guy after temperatures cracked the upper 50s this week, sources…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump debuted a completely new pronunciation of the holiday “Cinco De Mayo” while addressing local reporters at the White House today,…
Throughout my life, I had always felt completely secure in my masculinity. Then, the unthinkable happened — an alpha male lifestyle influencer on TikTok challenged…
SAN LUIS OBISPO, Calif. — Local man Travis Anders recently listened to all 15 Genesis albums while waiting for a chance to back out of…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local 13-year-old Elliot Johnson was reportedly crossing his fingers today hoping that his dad would never come back after heading out for…