WASHINGTON — 19-year-old Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) agent Braden Wakefield found himself running short on reasons for why he can’t hang out with his…
The doctor said this was a first: no one had requested their own colonoscopy footage before. I said this was a request from the deepest…
LOS ANGELES — Notorious rapper Kanye West apologized for his past controversial remarks about former President George W. Bush, confirmed sources. “I said some things…
Yesterday, Tesla CEO and current Trump BFF Elon Musk wowed the Nazi-sympathizing crowd at CPAC by unveiling The Chainsaw of Bureaucracy, a legendary weapon that…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local punk Pattie “Two Dollar” O’Malley set up a foundation dedicated to researching and curing “coke dick,” a condition that renders…
The judiciary system of the United States of America was established on September 24th, 1789 to protect the rights of our nation’s citizens and it…
DALLAS — Local man Dave Hensley is confident that his first date with Rachel Caldwell went well, despite talking about his favorite band, Steely Dan,…
NEW YORK — A new independent report revealed that the average veterinarian has an eight-hour wait list due to the sheer volume of hunky outlaws…
We at the Hard Times are big classic rock fans, and it definitely shouldn’t surprise you that one of our favorite artists of all time…
WASHINGTON — Democratic leadership announced their plans to play the 2013 Katy Perry song “Roar” very loud in response to the aggressive start of President…
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — 41-year-old Jacob Francois claimed responsibility for taking over a local bar’s jukebox using only his phone, an act he says was…
The Mandela Effect is the age-old behavioral phenomenon where large swaths of people misremember specific details about a person, event, or cereal brand. For instance,…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local punk Charles “Chuck” McCoy is adamant that everyone knows his hatred for hippies stems from a left-wing ideology, rather than a…
BOSTON — Local 46-year-old musician Tim Reddy of the seminal one-person noise/grind collective 5CrpseFckPrty complained that you could no longer whip out your schlong on…
Oh, You Like Counting Crows? When Was the Last Time You Danced the Silence Down Through the Morning?
Oh, You Like Counting Crows? When Was the Last Time You Danced the Silence Down Through the Morning?
Hey, man, I overheard you say you like “The” Counting Crows—not their name, but whatever. I happen to be a fan of that band myself.…