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Opinion: Don’t Even Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My CBD Oil

I don’t know about you but I am NOT a morning person. From the second I get out of bed and make my way to the kitchen I am in for a DAY without my morning pick-me-up. Whether I’m heading into work or on getting started on my weekend chores, the one thing I know is my day doesn’t even start until I’ve had my first cup of fresh CBD Oil.

Right when I get into the office I am in rough shape. A bunch of emails that have to be answered, my boss already yappin my ear off, it’s chaos. But all that melts away once I have that first sip of of concentrated, unfiltered CBD. A wave of calm rolls right over me as that golden nectar of the gods hits me, and I am ready to dive right into my day. Some folks might need coffee just to get through the 9am meeting but I’m what you’d call a purist. Why would I pollute my body when I could just have a piping hot cup o’ CBD to get my day going the clean, healthy way?

Sure, I’ve heard my coworkers try to talk me out of my morning ritual. Saying things like “wouldn’t you rather have a nice cup of joe?” or “Do some yoga right when you wake up” or even “there’s no way you’re using this correctly.” Sounds to me THEY’RE the ones who need a heapin’ full glass of this amber-hued morning dew, not me! But also do not fucking touch my CBD oil or even look my way until I’ve ingested this entire mug, I’m serious.

I’m not mincing words when I say I’m a truly insufferable person unless I am allowed to consume my 64 oz. Yeti mug of the golden liquid that is CBD Oil. Yes siree, I fear for the wellness of my coworkers and loved ones unless I can be allowed to have enough CBD to take the social anxiety out of a fucking rhino.

Not to mention all the ways CBD can help your life, not just as a way to kick start your day! I barely register as a human fucking being without some CBD Honey in my CBD Leaf Tea in the afternoon. My lips may as well be two sun dried earthworms stapled to my face, unless continuously moistened by my CBD lip balm. I said bye-bye to my light joint pain thanks to the several times a day I apply a consistent layer of topical CBD lotion on my body. All frozen yogurt now tasts like dogshit without a big ol’ handful of my CBD Gummy bears mixed in. I don’t even remember who I was before the light of CBD had touched my surely meaningless life. So focused! No anxiety!

I’m like a new person right when from the moment that I start guzzling CBD like I’m breastfeeding from Mother Gaia’s teat itself. I’m less anxious, more focused, and ready to get some more CBD. I often hear that I may be using too much CBD. Luckily, doctors say that there’s technically no physical risk to the sheer amount of CBD I put in my body! That’s a science fact! Take that liars! So long, case of the “Mondays”, and hello miracle elixir, set to free me from this puny mortal existence. I’m a God among men, and can’t wait to jump into my work week!

And the best part is that ever since I started using CBD I’m barely smoking weed everyday!

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