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I May Be a Working Class American Struggling to Make Ends Meet, but in My Heart I Make Over $10M Annually and Bernie Wants Half

A fifty-two percent tax. I can’t get that figure out of my head. Fifty-two percent. That’s almost half my income.

You see, I still believe in the American dream. I believe that millionaires are the result of hard work and dedication. People aren’t born rich. Well maybe some, but even they have to work hard to keep it I assume. Sure today I’m a menial worker at a manufacturing plant who can barely provide for his family but that doesn’t matter. With my work ethic, 20 years from now I’ll be pulling in millions!

Wait actually I’ve been at the plant 22 years. OK whatever, I guess it takes 30 years. The point is Bernie needs to keep his hand off my hard earned riches!

Too many millennials these days want hand-outs. They don’t want jobs. They want Bernie to take money from the paychecks of hard-working millionaires like hypothetically me one day Americans and put it right in their pockets in the form of welfare programs and free college.

But what about people like me that really need food stamps? Why do these kids get to sit at home munching on government cheese while I’m out breaking my back for government cheese? And I can understand wanting healthcare, but at what cost? Fifty-two percent of the millions my boss is sure to share with me any day now, that’s how much!

Granted, I don’t make nearly enough to qualify for that particular tax bracket yet. In fact, after my most recent knee replacement, I’m basically paycheck-to-paycheck. And yeah, I might benefit from Bernie’s policies now, but what about when I’m making ten figures? Why should these freeloaders reap the benefits of my own blood, sweat, and tears?

No matter. With Trump in office for another term, we’re gonna see another oil boom in no time, and I’ll have steady work and be back on track to achieve the American dream. I reckon I’ve got another few decades of get-up-and-go left in me. With enough luck, I’ll be around to vote for Trump again in 2024.

Speaking of luck, I think I’ll even add those numbers to this week’s lottery ticket: 20, 24. I have a damn good feeling about this one.