WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Local swing revival band Big Zipper Flame Daddies weren’t quite sure if they were three or nine decades late with their musical style, confirmed sources who agreed they were behind schedule by all accounts.
“If you really think about it, swing is only ever a thing every 40 or 50 years and we need to be historically accurate if this venture is going to succeed,” said lead singer Jeffrey Tamelay of the 18-piece unit. “Remember in the ‘90s when there were just a bunch of swing groups that came out for no reason and half of them seemed like they just groomed underage girls, judging by their band name? Well, they were clearly 60 years late. But then again, we’re here trying to emulate the bands of the ‘90s who are emulating the swing groups of the ‘30s who were doing an offshoot of jazz. If we can’t figure out this riddle soon then our swing band will never make it at tonight’s show with nothing but shoegaze bands. Ugh, reviving old genres isn’t as easy as it looks.”
Fans of swing didn’t really think it mattered.
“I think they need to move past the fact that they’ll never be the Brian Setzer of the ‘90s nor the Brian Setzer of the ‘30s,” said local 95-year-old Bob Blankenship. “Besides, if you ask me, they’re actually a few centuries late. As a true swing fan, I only listen to the ones who were peers of Beethoven. Otherwise, it’s not real swing. In order for it to be legit swing music, it needs to be from the period when everyone was dying from the bubonic plague. That’s prime swing.”
Experts noted similar instances in music history.
“Unearthing older genres can be quite difficult if you can’t pinpoint the exact era you’re going for,” said music critic Blake Hildress. “It’s like in the 2000s when bands attempted to bring back ragtime music of the early 1900s. Sure, post-ragtime core never really materialized, but if you want to stand out from the crowd, you have to pick an old music style out of a hat and make that your whole thing.”
At press time, the band actually came to the conclusion that they were 20 years early as that was when the swing pendulum was estimated to come back to them.