FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — A decidedly arrogant YouTube guitar tutorial incorrectly assumed that the person watching it already knew what the hell he was talking about with “all that letters nonsense,” sources who thought better of the video confirmed.
“I figured I could make good use of all this time inside by becoming a guitar master, but these lessons are dumb as fuck. He just kept saying ‘A’ and ‘D,’ like anyone knows what the hell that’s supposed to mean,” said determined guitar student on his fifth attempt to learn the instrument over eight years, Ellis Bower. “I just came here to learn how to play ‘Everlong’ in six minutes — I didn’t realize I needed to go to college for guitar before I fucking got here. Plus, my fingers hurt crazy bad. Thumbs down.”
Viewers also offered constructive criticism regarding the videos’ lighting, length, and overall lack of attention-grabbing effects.
“It was so boring. Like, just show me how to do the song — why am I spending 5 million hours watching some guy counting frets and talking about tuning?” explained Yasmin Shumate, who was last seen positioning her laptop in the same direction as her guitar so that she could mimic the hand positioning. “Yelling out numbers out of order is weird and unnatural. As soon as I get the patience to learn how to read tabs I’m fucking outta here.”
For his part, YouTube guitar teacher Aaron Daley has low expectations for the success of the free content he posts for anyone to view online.
“From what I can tell, there’s two types of people who like the video: 18 guys with tips of their own, and hundreds of people who just end up learning the first two chords from ‘About a Girl’ and seem happy with being able to play the intro to that song over and over,” said Daley. “I guess it’s fine, because they usually comment some mean shit before they leave, so either way my video gets promoted, I guess.”
Studies have also found that thousands of viewers who started a drum lesson abandoned it around the 50 second mark to watch several videos of Japanese children covering Rage Against the Machine songs.