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Santana feat. Rob Thomas Kick Off 50-State, One-Song Reunion Tour

RENO, Nev. – Fans of Santana feat. Rob Thomas were overjoyed to learn the duo is reuniting for a one-song, 50-state tour, playing their lone chart-busting single “Smooth” in its entirety after a 24-year hiatus, multiple sources close to the artists confirmed.

“I’m super stoked to rejoin my numero uno hombre and give fans a segundo helping of ‘Smooth,’” Thomas commented from the road, inexplicably slipping in and out of Spanish. “When Carlos telefonoed me about getting the crew back together, he didn’t say a damn word; he just played me that sweet, sweet opening lick and I screamed ‘Sign me up baby’ into my cordless phone. We decided pretty quickly that we didn’t have any other songs worthy of playing on this tour so it’s just going to be ‘Smooth.’ Every night. Because man, it’s a hot one!”

Jeff Clum, President of the Santana feat. Rob Thomas Fan Club, was ecstatic over the historic comeback.

“Best 4:52 of my life. I remember my parents used to get so mad at me because I would run up our phone bill from calling Total Request Live every day to demand they play the song,” Clum said after the kickoff show in Gary, Indiana. “Witnessing Santana feat. Rob Thomas lay down that Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa sweetness live was a religious experience. I speak for all the ‘Smoothies’ out there who paid $250 to see one song, that this isn’t just a tour; it’s a tour de force. You can’t put the power of ‘Smooth’ into words. The music speaks for itself. And in two languages!”

Internet music critic Anthony Fantano attacked and applauded the reunion.

“‘Smooth’ is a one-note, A&R circle jerk of phoned-in adult contemporary cliches laced with lackluster Latin groove rock, co-conspired by a guitarist well past his prime and a singer who never reached it,” Fantano said. “As a song, and as a human with ears, I give it a light zero. But as a reunion show? This is a strong fucking 10! No opener. No encore. Just one and done, baby. Every band take note: nobody wants to hear your new shit. Or your old shit. Just play your hit and get back on the bus. Thanks to Santana feat. Rob Thomas, the show was over before my sciatica kicked in or some jagoff iced me. Terrible music, terrific performance.”

At press time, Thomas was inexplicably replaced mid-song by pro skateboarder and current Black Flag singer Mike Vallely.