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Report: Six More Bands to Go Before Yours

ROANOKE, Va. — After watching three bands already, three more bands are scheduled to play before yours tonight at local punk venue Rodderly’s, despite the show’s late start and a heavily enforced curfew, according to multiple sources.

“Yeah, Shock Blaster got added after we made the poster,” said bartender Tamara Raglan, between the third and fourth bands for the Tuesday night bill. “The booker’s cousin’s band from Toledo apparently lost their show at Java or some shit — they’re sort of doom, and sort of industrial. Each one of their songs is, like, nine minutes. It’s fucking sick.”

Additionally, the sound guy most recently informed you that Shock Blaster brought their touring openers Mizz Muff, and both are reportedly wondering if you have any weed.

“Shit,” your bassist was overheard saying. “Fuck. I’ve got my sister’s dog tonight. Dammit… I’ll be back in an hour. I have to get home before it shits on my couch. Text me if you need me to grab food or anything.”

Meanwhile, your friends who felt obligated to come out allegedly think the diverse musical styles and “offensive” length of the show are beginning to be an issue.

“The first and second bands kinda bled into each other,” said friend Suzie Costa, filling you in since you purposefully avoided them by sitting backstage, smoking hand-rolled Bali Swags. “They both had red-headed drummers, and they both covered the same Misfits song, so the whole thing was really confusing.”

“I took a break during the third band because they had two drum machines and a marimba player,” added another friend.

Despite the show running five hours and counting, and your early barista shift tomorrow morning, there are no signs you’ll be able to leave soon.

“You know we have to stay for at least a few songs of the last band, too, so we don’t look like dicks,” your drummer said, slamming her beer on the bar so hard she crumpled the can. “Maybe I can just ask the band before us if I can use their kit, so we can save time on set up? Ugh. There are so many bands here, I wouldn’t even know who to ask.”

At press time, you were last seen napping in your van after local indie-rock favorites Red Whiskey showed up and made the show an impromptu party for their album release.

Photo by Zach Raffio.

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