LAS VEGAS — The Punk Rock Museum announced that they will offer a complete virtual reality van-tour experience when it opens in March 2023, giving patrons a taste of what it’s like to be a touring punk musician.
“It’s pretty authentic. They even stop at a Waffle House so the band can all get a sink-shower,” said Dave “Skids” McKenzie of the band Grundle Musk who was part of a test audience. “At first I was skeptical, but they did a good job with the details. Right when you get in, they hit you with that smell—like Funyun-flavored malt liquor. There are shoes and filthy socks all over the place and the VR headsets all have some kind of sticky shit all over them. The van and gear getting stolen in Philly really gives you the full experience. I mean, Grundle got our shit stolen twice in Philly, and once we were just passing through to DC. That town does not fuck around.”
Fat Mike of NOFX, who spearheaded the Punk Rock Museum project, weighed in on the decision to include the interactive ride.
“I really wanted there to be a rare Japanese dildo exhibit but the backers were a little lame about it,” said the owner of Fat Wreck Chords. “Someone pitched the VR thing as a backup and I said on one condition—we have the tour end with a good old-fashioned Philly gear heist. There were a few other ideas I had, like VR participants having to split a bag of Tostitos and a jar of salsa for backstage catering, or having the security guards throw your amps in the dumpster for playing over curfew, but the coders said that was too difficult to pull off in VR.”
Philadelphia 3rd District Police Captain Ralph Pugliesi addressed the attention the Punk Rock Museum’s VR experience has given his department.
“People ask me if I’m ashamed of the notoriety, and I tell them I’m proud of it,” said Pugliesi. “3rd District is number one in all the US for stolen tour vans. It’s cute when they come in all crying and say, ‘But we backed the trailer all the way up to the wall of the Comfort Inn…’ Like that matters. Me and Jimmy O’Connell over at District 9 got a game running, to see who racks up the most stolen gear. We call it ‘Guitar Zero.’ Come to think of it, he still owes me three hundred bucks.”
Update: Since reporting, the VR Van-Tour Experience has broken down one week into the museum’s opening and is surrounded by staff with no idea how to fix it.