LORTON, Va. — Local man Devin Caulfield is now in his 11th year of attempting to explain his Screeching Weasel tattoo despite never having been…
POWAY, Calif. — Middle-aged man Jamie Lopez suddenly realized yesterday that he may be finally maturing after putting back a box of the sugary, marshmallow-filled…
ISLIP, N.Y. — Everything Done in Latin frontman Lawrence Joseph has lost interest in the band he’s been part of for 15 years after the…
Boy, is my life in shambles these days. I just got promoted to district manager of Omega Printz and it’s been a huge disaster. Not…
MASPETH, N.Y. — Skull Valley frontman Jeremy Cesiro is worried his underage girlfriend would be put in danger by her returning to high school in…
Like most Americans, we spent our time quarantined catching up on podcasts, learning to cook (shoutout my sourdough starter), and plotting how to get back…
Homosexuality is a sin, plain and simple. Anyone trying to tell you these people are just like you and me are lying. They are abominations…
I don’t like to brag, but I don’t think it’s too far off for me to say that I’m a better guitarist than about 99.99%…
Wow, that’s so incredibly gracious of you to reach out and share the carefully crafted demos you recorded in your friend’s basement while blackout drunk!…
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stacy’s mom is hot as shit. I’ve heard; you’ve heard; the entire world has heard. And they’re not wrong. Nothing captures the…
PHILADELPHIA — Local pop-punk band The Dysentery Garys have left Philadelphia, dejectedly returning to their hometown of Botsford, Conn., in the wake of venue shutdowns…
MINNEAPOLIS — Pop-punk band Suburban Angst called an emergency band meeting on Friday to discuss a potential plan to write a second hit after their…
Being locked down in my apartment for the past few months has given me time to reflect on life and how I spend mine. This…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Genetic scientists have resurrected a dead punk scene using the DNA of an original guitarist preserved in amber, sources sick of hearing…
I want my budding love life to be as exciting and effortless as my tuning of choice, open D. I’m thirsty for endless D, musically…