EFFINGHAM, N.H. — Phish devotee Pete Selner was told by his wife yet again last week to “get a fucking life,” which pales in comparison to previous verbal assaults over their 19-year relationship, particularly to the insult levied on April 10, 2009.
“I hear it all the time from her. It’s kind of a staple in the set,” said Selner. “This time was good, but the absolute best ever was the April ‘09 version — I remember I’d just done some whip-its and was settling into a super heady, prog-era show from ’89 on the front porch. She warmed up with a fairly standard, ‘Did you pay the water bill?’ and then, I don’t know if it was the shampoo in her hair or what, but that transition into ‘Get a fucking life’ just floored me.”
Even those outside of the Phish “phandom” know about the legend of that 4-10-2009 showing of contempt.
“I’ve lived next door to them for 15 years, and I don’t think I ever heard her sound like she did that day in April,” said neighbor Nadia Smykowski. “On the same note, I also don’t think I’ve gone a week without hearing him or one of his dirty buddies yell out, ‘Page side, rage side,’ on the front porch. What’s he call people like that? A wook? He’s a wook for sure. I think. I don’t know, man. I’m from Wisconsin — New England is weird.”
For Selner’s wife herself, it’s a memory less fond, and a dynamic less confusing.
“Oh, yeah… that one was pretty gnarly, unfortunately,” said Jamie Selner. “I had a four hour meeting at work about proofreading procedures, only to come home and find out mid-shower that Pete flaked on paying the water bill. Some people might argue that any of the times I’ve told Pete to go fuck himself sound exactly the same, but if you really listen, there are small, improvised differences. It’s nuanced, and each time is such a personal experience.”
Listeners also report Jamie’s most recent version of “I’m so glad we never had kids” sounded a little flat when compared to her premier performance at a Marriott in Providence, R.I. on 7-07-16.