NEW YORK — An upcoming concert in Manhattan will feature the Original Misfits, Famous Misfits, and Famous Original Misfits, according to sources who had very strong opinions on which one was the best.
“We’re bringing all the lineup flavors of the Misfits straight to Little Italy,” said concert promoter Vincenzo Ferrari as he wiped his mouth with a napkin adorned with the crimson ghost. “Whether you prefer the traditional Danzig Misfits, or if you’re one of those freaks that enjoys the Jerry era, we’ve got you covered. We understand that this might be confusing to tourists and those who don’t know the Misfits all that well. They tend to think that all of them sound the same. Only true fans and longtime New Yorkers know which is the real deal. All tickets include bottomless soda refills. No coupons accepted. Dine-in only.”
Misfits megafan and Brooklyn native Corbin DiMarco has strong opinions on what constitutes the real Misfits.
“There’s only one authentic Misfits, and that’s the Original Misfits,” said DiMarco while styling his devilock at a trifold mirror. “Jerry bought the original Misfits recipe from Danzig in the ‘80s, and then went on to open Famous Misfits locations across the country. Meanwhile, that Ted Nugent-wannabe Graves joined forces with Only and Doyle to start the Famous Original Misfits, which was just an inferior version of the Original Misfits, and to a lesser degree the Famous Misfits. I don’t even wear Misfits shirts anymore because I hate the tedious minutia of explaining that I only like one specific piece of the band’s history, and despise the rest.”
Celebrity chef and native New Yorker Bobby Flay offered his expertise on the matter.
“The truth is that the Misfits are a huge, floppy mess,” noted Flay as he simultaneously defeated five chefs in a cooking competition. “So you need to fold them into different versions to properly consume their music. The Original Misfits are a bunch of New Jersey guidos, and you know how defensive Italians get about their food? Their music is no different. Hell, some purists claim that the Original Misfits themselves aren’t even punk, since Glen ‘Danzig’ Anzalone has a Sicilian last name and therefore isn’t an authentic Italian. That being said, never go to a Chicago-style Misfits show. In my opinion, it’s not real Misfits.”
At press time, a fourth band was added onto the show lineup, which was announced as the Gray’s Papaya Misfits.