DUBLIN, Ireland — My Bloody Valentine guitarist Kevin Shields manually installed a number of superfluous foot pedals to his one-speed bicycle today after a handful of bike shops refused to comply with the special request.
“The extra pedals are just for effect,” Shields said while adjusting the seat on his custom bicycle notably colored with bursts of pink hues and magenta swirls. “It creates a mixture of ethereal whirring sounds as you press down on each pedal, while the swooshing wind juxtaposes a tonal and dream-like layer. You just have to hear for yourself to understand. Sure, I’m forced to stare at my shoes and can’t look at the road while riding, so I may not look as cool as standard two-pedalers… but crashing into ditches a few times a week is totally worth it for a style of bike riding that will surely break ground and gain recognition in 20 to 25 years.”
Prior to installing the pedals himself, Shields was turned away from several bike shops.
“He was pretty pissed when I told him there’s no need to reinvent the bicycle wheel,” said Jenny Mayers, owner of Spokes and Blokes. “I tried to explain that excess pedals would simply drown out all pedals at once and render the bike useless. Maybe it looks exotic from an outsider’s perspective, but I just can’t see how that could be a good experience for anyone… especially live in-person as a viewer.”
Music historians believe musicians crave consistency in their day-to-day lives.
“Shoegaze bands are all about excess,” said music critic Tanya Davidson. “For every pedal a regular band owns, shoegaze groups want a good eight or nine. We’ve seen this behavior carry over into their daily lives as well: it’s a known fact that the guitarist for Slowdive keeps at least 12 vacuum cleaners on hand, and will often keep a few running overnight as a makeshift white noise machine. Long story short, it’s no surprise that shoegaze is the genre most known for hoarding.”
At press time, Shields was asking a visibly confused mechanic how many extra gas and brake pedals he’s allowed to install in his car.