DES MOINES, Iowa — Local nu metal enthusiast, and father of four, David Trilling admitted Autumn is his favorite season so he can wear his…
Metalhead Shows More Conviction Arguing About Superiority of Dio-Era Black Sabbath Than He Did Arguing for Custody of His Own Children
ADDISON, Vt. – Metalhead Adam Brockford showed more conviction arguing with a stranger about Black Sabbath outside the Addison County Courthouse than he had shown…
Metal Band Forced To Watch Every Episode of “Rings of Power” To Find Unused Band Name
RICHMOND, Va. — Members of a new unnamed metal band were forced to watch every episode of the Amazon Prime show “Rings of Power” to…
EL SOBRANTE, Calif. — Prolific bassist and Primus frontman Les Claypool sent a follow-up email to metal band Metallica regarding his 1986 audition for them,…
Guy Wearing Mercyful Fate Shirt Inside 200-Year-Old Church Kind of Disappointed He Didn’t Burst into Flames Upon Entering
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local heavy metal fan Eric Tullman was saddened that the Mercyful Fate shirt he was wearing while making an emergency restroom stop…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Black metal fan and Watain concert attendee Caleb Anderson’s choice of a tucked-in polo shirt was apparently the most disturbing part of…
Going on a first date can be rough. Going on a blind first date can be rougher. But going on a blind first date as…
Lars Ulrich Threatens to End Metallica if Other Band Members Keep Missing His Sweet Jumps off Diving Board
MIAMI — Longtime Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich was seen threatening to break up the band if his fellow bandmates continued to miss him jumping off…
Carcass Merch Table Accepts Cash, Card, Medical Specimens
BALTIMORE — British death metal titans Carcass are reportedly accepting cash, card, and medical specimens in exchange for merch at their live shows, mildly nauseated…
In life, you really have to plan for your future. That’s why we have to consider what it will look like when we are still…
CLEARWATER, Fla. — Local metalhead Rickey Ray Reynolds asked officers if he could change into his favorite Morbid Angel t-shirt before his mugshot was taken…
Chino Moreno Caught Moaning Into Oscillating Fan Again
SACRAMENTO, Calif.— Deftones frontman Chino Moreno was recently discovered belting out various moans and screams into an oscillating fan while working on one of his…
Nu Metal Dad Sits Teenage Son Down to Have the “Nookie Talk”
INDIANAPOLIS — Nu metal superfan Travis Cornwall reportedly sat his son down to have the “Nookie Talk” after the teenager started asking about the “birdz…
Metalhead Wakes from Horrible Nightmare Where Vest Had Sleeves
EUGENE, Ore. — Local metalhead and part-time barista Oscar “Grouch” Palmer woke from a horrible nightmare in which his treasured denim vest had somehow grown…
LAS VEGAS — Heavy metal band Five Finger Death Punch recently transformed their merchandise table into a fully functioning Army recruitment center, sources close to…