REHOBOTH BEACH, Del. — Local grindcore fan Nick Heineke recently criticized all death metal for sounding exactly the same, confirmed sources who didn’t necessarily disagree.…
NORTH HUNTINGDON, Pa. — A friend group composed of progressive metal band Dream Theater fans made a pact to lose their virginities before their Social…
RICHMOND — Legendary metal group GWAR reportedly cut their usage of onstage fake cum to approximately five barrels a day after new tariffs increased prices…
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Local metalhead Devon Kingsley is reportedly still feeling a slight sense of euphoria after receiving $6.66 back from a purchase he made…
ELGIN, Ill. – Local metalhead and black metal show attendee Derek Straub found himself conducting a quick Google search of band Vindfull Skog before walking…
BALTIMORE — Several prominent public figures within the ”flat-earther” community recently attended the same Trapt concert, confirmed multiple sources. “Everybody’s here tonight,” said avid Trapt…
CINCINNATI — Metalhead Tim Grant took off his glasses, let down his ponytail, and shook his hair out, only to look slightly worse than before,…
TALLAHASSEE, Tenn. — The Tallahassee Police Department is in chaos due to nearly every officer requesting time off to attend an upcoming Five Finger Death…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Local nu metal fan, and proud American, Gary Buski says everything he does in life is in pursuit of nookie and to…
BOULDER, Colo. — An explosive dispute over genre semantics broke out at the Thanksgiving dinner of the three-generation metalhead Reeder family regarding the disputed progressive…
CINCINNATI — Bolt Thrower fan Harold Rodriguez was disappointed in the reaction to his custom playlist by fellow members of his Warhammer 40K meetup, sources…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local drone metal fan Judson Riley waited patiently through an entire show to use the bathroom so he wouldn’t miss his favorite…
MONTGOMERY, Ala. — Legal advocacy organization Southern Poverty Law Center recently updated its Hate Map, an interactive tool to track hate groups, to coincide with…
GREENTOWN, Ind. — Local metalhead and harvester Jonas Fitzgerald says this year’s sorrow yield is the highest in decades, according to sources with inside knowledge…
FORT WORTH, Texas — The lead singer of local grindcore band Razor Masturbator found his creative output drop dramatically after his debilitating writer’s block had…