They say that “no good deed goes unpunished,” but I have another platitude to add to the mix: “no read comment goes unargued.”
It all started when I embarked on my usual three-hour pre-bed doom-scrolling ritual, flipping between TikTok, Reels, and YouTube shorts in a near-catatonic state. Little did I know I’d find myself dick deep in 10 open browser tabs while giving myself a crash course on Charlemagne, the ruler of the Carolingian Empire, and the military tactics that earned him his title as the forerunner to the line of Holy Roman Emperors because I got into a blistering debate with some dude about whether Red 40 is a big deal after watching one of my many chug channels try to take down a three liter of Code Red.
While I still maintain that Red 40 is generally harmless to the average consumer in moderate doses, it turns out that having this point of view is the catalyst for a geopolitical lecture from a private account with an anime avatar. Pointing out that I personally avoid the allegedly problematic dye because it’s one of many migraine triggers for me (so is organic cantaloupe, go figure), I suggested that I only represent a small microcosm of the population who should avoid any product that has it listed in its ingredients statement.
Just like Charlemagne and his conflict with the Eastern Roman Empire, I was ready to go to war until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore.
Three hours later, I found myself diagramming battle tours on a napkin and uploading them to IMGUR to prove to a user named “JUNGLEOFBUTTS” that he doesn’t understand how supply chains work for some reason.
I don’t know how it got to this point, but just like reforming the fallen Western Roman Empire, I knew I had to put the work in to be the victor of this hearty yet totally unnecessary debate.
All I said was that if Red 40 is FDA approved, it can’t be that bad for you. In fact, there are several food dyes banned in the US that are still used in the EU, to which he suggested that it would never have passed Charlemagne’s food purity laws to ensure a strong and virile army at the tail end of the eighth century.
But JUNGLEOFBUTTS couldn’t have been more mistaken because Charlemagne was more concerned with defending the papacy, removing the Lombards from power in Northern Italy, introducing Christianity to the Saxons, and establishing the Carolingian Renaissance than anything else.
The guy didn’t even care about transparency in food labeling as far as I could surmise, and why would he?
Tired and deflated, I did what any sane person would do at this point, and accused JUNGLEOFBUTTS of coping hard before blocking him and going to bed.
Help! I Read the Comments Section, and Now I’m Researching Charlemagne’s Military Tactics on Wikipedia So I Can Win an Argument With a Complete Stranger About Red 40
By Robert John Scucci | May 26, 2025
They say that “no good deed goes unpunished,” but I have another platitude to add to the mix: “no read comment goes unargued.”
It all started when I embarked on my usual three-hour pre-bed doom-scrolling ritual, flipping between TikTok, Reels, and YouTube shorts in a near-catatonic state. Little did I know I’d find myself dick deep in 10 open browser tabs while giving myself a crash course on Charlemagne, the ruler of the Carolingian Empire, and the military tactics that earned him his title as the forerunner to the line of Holy Roman Emperors because I got into a blistering debate with some dude about whether Red 40 is a big deal after watching one of my many chug channels try to take down a three liter of Code Red.
While I still maintain that Red 40 is generally harmless to the average consumer in moderate doses, it turns out that having this point of view is the catalyst for a geopolitical lecture from a private account with an anime avatar. Pointing out that I personally avoid the allegedly problematic dye because it’s one of many migraine triggers for me (so is organic cantaloupe, go figure), I suggested that I only represent a small microcosm of the population who should avoid any product that has it listed in its ingredients statement.
Just like Charlemagne and his conflict with the Eastern Roman Empire, I was ready to go to war until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore.
Three hours later, I found myself diagramming battle tours on a napkin and uploading them to IMGUR to prove to a user named “JUNGLEOFBUTTS” that he doesn’t understand how supply chains work for some reason.
I don’t know how it got to this point, but just like reforming the fallen Western Roman Empire, I knew I had to put the work in to be the victor of this hearty yet totally unnecessary debate.
All I said was that if Red 40 is FDA approved, it can’t be that bad for you. In fact, there are several food dyes banned in the US that are still used in the EU, to which he suggested that it would never have passed Charlemagne’s food purity laws to ensure a strong and virile army at the tail end of the eighth century.
But JUNGLEOFBUTTS couldn’t have been more mistaken because Charlemagne was more concerned with defending the papacy, removing the Lombards from power in Northern Italy, introducing Christianity to the Saxons, and establishing the Carolingian Renaissance than anything else.
The guy didn’t even care about transparency in food labeling as far as I could surmise, and why would he?
Tired and deflated, I did what any sane person would do at this point, and accused JUNGLEOFBUTTS of coping hard before blocking him and going to bed.