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Guy Who Bought Vinyl Before Show Moshes Carefully

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local hardcore kid Connor Razzo moshed very cautiously at a show last night to protect the record he purchased following the opening band’s set, multiple eyewitnesses confirmed.

“I just wanted to beat the merch table rush,” said Razzo, who had local hardcore legends Deep Socket’s new 7” EP haphazardly stuffed into his jacket. “They only made 500 of these on clear vinyl, so I couldn’t risk them selling out. But now I just have to make sure I really protect my right side in the pit, and avoid any stage divers.”

Showgoers immediately noticed the effect on Razzo’s moshing.

“It was so strange,” said fellow attendee Chuck Callard. “It looked like he was cradling a kitten or baby bird he found in the parking lot… but then I saw one arm tucked in to hold the record, and the other flailing around violently. He’d open up his jacket to check on it every couple minutes to make sure it didn’t crack or anything before jumping back in and shielding it with his entire body. Look, I love vinyl as much as the next guy, but put the record under a chair or something.”

However, record collectors condemned Razzo, insisting that records need more protection than one arm in a mosh pit can offer.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” said local record collector and self-described music aficionado Winford Croteau. “This guy is off his fucking nut — this is wildly irresponsible. Any record collector worth their 45 adapter would call the state to have them confiscate this guy’s entire collection for their own good. Records need personal care and attention. Each of my records sits in an individual, climate-controlled, padded box, and I won’t even listen to them without first disinfecting my entire living room and setting up a pristine needle with an irresponsibly sourced diamond tip.”

At press time, Razzo was trying to convince Deep Socket’s merch guy that the record he purchased was defective and had shattered into 40 pieces before he bought it.

Photo via Stephen Harlow.

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