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Guitarist Benched Halfway Through Show for Unmusiciansmanlike Conduct

NEW ORLEANS — The new guitarist for cowpunk mainstays The Come ‘N Get Its, Campbell Sawyer, was reportedly ejected to the sidelines by referees during a Battle of the Bands event after a display of unmusiciansmanlike conduct, shocked sources confirmed while waving giant foam middle fingers.

“It was a long overdue call, that bastard has been asking to be ejected from the set all night. He was doing everything from spitting, covertly motioning to the sound guy to turn down everybody else but him, and taunting the opposing bands,” said venue referee Armando Secundi, while chomping on his whistle. “Not to mention all those times he did an egregious ‘endzone’ dance after every successfully completed song, tossing guitar after guitar into the crowd. I had no choice but to bench him after a particularly out of control Chuck Berry duckwalk that knocked a few fellow bandmates off the stage, fracturing their skulls.”

Sawyer continued his boorish behavior even after being repeatedly warned to calm down or he would be banned for the entire gig season.

“How are they gonna complete the set without a lead guitar? Did the fuckin’ ref ever think of that? They’re gonna sound like shit, absolute shit,” snarled Sawyer, as he threw up his arms in disbelief. “I swear to god, if this affects my Gatorade sponsorship, heads will roll, mark my words. The only reason I ever picked up a guitar is to endorse my favorite products. If that ref lost me that 6 mill’ on the back end I’m gonna make sure he doesn’t live to see his kid go to college. Although with genes like the one he got from his idiot dad, maybe college wasn’t in the CARDS TO BEGIN WITH! C’MON, REF!”

Gayle Benson, owner of the New Orleans Saints and proprietor of the city’s punk scene franchise, defended the controversial guitarist.

“Son of a gun, I knew Campbell was a wildcard when we drafted him from his college hardcore band. But here’s a little secret from the trade: sometimes stirring up a little too much trouble can actually be good for business,” said Benson from the venue’s VIP box over the mixing board, sipping a champagne glass of piss-warm High Life. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re the lead story on tonight’s Distortcenter, ESPN’s roundup of the national punk scenes. I wouldn’t count him out just yet. The public loves a trainwreck, and I think this kid is ‘all aboard,’ if you catch my drift.”

At press time, despite the uproar with the guitarist, the band’s delightful costumed mascot was able to keep the audience entertained through halftime.