MARIETTA, Ga. — Local girlfriend Kaitlynn Gagnon is unable to sleep after spotting a Line 6 Spider in the corner right before shutting her eyes, boyfriend sleepily confirmed.
“Eek! Those things disgust me,” disclosed a terrified Gagnon while holding up her dress and standing on the bed. “There’s absolutely no way I’m going to be able to sleep now with that thing in the corner, especially while it’s making that weird buzzing sound at us. How didn’t I notice it before? I mean, look at the huge web it’s made already! Isn’t this how the guy from Slayer died? I ain’t goin’ out like that guy.”
Landlord Connor Walters confirmed that this wasn’t an isolated incident.
“Alright, I’ll spill, but let’s just keep this between us. There’s a bit of an infestation of Line 6 Spiders in the complex right now,” Walters frustratingly admitted. “This isn’t the first tenant that’s complained to me about them and it probably won’t be the last. I’ve done everything I can to get the apartments looking ready and appear functioning for new tenants. I’ve painted over a few during renovations but after seeing nest after nest made from rusty First Act cables I think it might be time to call in an expert.”
Lance Gerald, the exterminator on scene, provided some insight on these disgusting but misunderstood creatures.
“Spider phobias are quite common. This species, Acies Sex Aranea, better known as the Line 6 Spider are harmless although they can make a harsh screech when threatened,” said Gerald while loading up his exterminator equipment which included a slipper and a paper-back copy of “Old Yeller.” “These little buggers are quite prevalent in low income areas, I’ve got a couple in my house too. Sometimes I like to play with them but only when no one’s looking. Generally, it’s best to scoop them up and place them outside, but I’ve got a sledgehammer I’ve been wanting to try out.”
At the current moment, the very pregnant black widow spider living inside the Line 6 sure hopes no one hurts her beautiful home and harms her hundreds of babies.