ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Local garage band The Scrapes were forced to break up earlier this week after the parents of lead guitarist Shelly Collins purchased a second car, confirmed upset band members.
“We always had plenty of room to play even though we were set up beside my dad’s Honda Accord. Now that they bought that new car, we just don’t have any space at all,” said Collins while trying to move an amp without bumping into the new car. “We were probably just weeks away from maybe learning how to actually play and now I don’t know what we are going to do. I tried asking my parents to keep one of the cars out in the driveway, but my mom just kind of stared off into space while my dad talked about the effect direct sunlight has on trade-in values for a half-hour.”
Patrick Collins, Shelly’s father, seemed surprised that his daughter was in a band and wasn’t aware that his new purchase was causing an issue.
“I mean I would hear noises coming from out there when Shelly had her friends over, but I thought maybe they were just playing video games or grinding sheet metal or something,” said Mr. Collins. “She did mention needing a space to practice but I thought she was talking about her SATs. I can tell she’s upset but I’m sure she will feel much better once she really checks out our new Kia Sorento. The gas mileage on this thing is incredible! Not to mention all the storage space in the back. Grocery shopping has never been easier.”
Music Historian Basil Cane says that new car sales have had a devastating impact on the garage band industry.
“Used to you would be able to hear bands playing all over as you made your way through the suburbs,” said Cane. “Now, with the rise in multiple car households, garage band practice space has dropped nearly 97% over the last 15 years. What if Ray and Dave Davies’ parents had decided to keep another car in the garage and ended The Kinks before they even started? If my parents hadn’t bought that damn Volvo, perhaps the band I started with my friend Geck would be in the big time now.”
The Scrapes reportedly have located new band space in their drummer’s garage, but they can only play when his older brother isn’t lifting weights or has a girl over.