TOPEKA, Kan. — Local man Caleb Levine raked in thousands of dollars after setting up a table selling Ween merchandise outside the Shawnee County Courthouse, confirmed multiple sources who just had their driver’s license revoked.
“I had been at the courthouse a week prior trying to sort out my child support. I looked around and all I saw were guys in ratty Ween shirts waiting for their turn in front of the judge. That’s when a lightbulb went off in my head,” said Levine while looking to purchase a used 2004 convertible Ford Mustang with his new income. “I set up my table and during the court’s first recess I had guys nearly fist-fighting each other because they wanted a more presentable-looking Ween shirt when they stood in front of the judge. I also sold out of Ween lighters in less than five minutes, and a few of them even bought the bags of ‘Ween Clean Urine.’”
Court Clerk Shelby Harter was nearly trampled during the rush to the table of Ween goods.
“I stepped outside to take a phone call at the wrong time. All these men with stale coffee breath barrelled past me and started throwing crumpled-up money at a guy selling shirts,” said Harris. “They all seemed so excited, and then after the natural high of buying a new t-shirt wore off, they got really silent and started asking each other for cigarettes until they had to go back inside. The guy behind the table didn’t know what to do with all the money he just made. He kept throwing it in the air and screaming about how rich he is.”
Former Ween merch guy Ed “The Belly” Carter wasn’t surprised by Levine’s success.
“There are two places Ween fans congregate the most, and that is Ween concerts and local courthouses. Hell, I’d do the same thing if I wasn’t on house arrest for trying to steal a few horses last time Ween was on tour,” said Carter. “It’s even better if you can catch a Ween fan after they win some money on a scratch ticket, or after one of their parents dies and they get some of the inheritance. They really don’t know what to do with the extra income. It’s either going to be spent on pills or Ween merch most of the time.”
Levine admits he plans on using the extra money he made to pay off his gambling debts so bookies stop throwing him out of moving cars on the highway.