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Authentic Ramones Cover Band Barely Learns Songs, Instruments

AMARILLO, Texas — Local Ramones cover band Endless Vacation reportedly neglected to learn their instruments or songs on their setlist, according to sources who could most certainly tell.

“The Ramones never bothered to tune their instruments, let alone play them correctly, and that’s why I only set aside 20 minutes a month to hone my musical craft,” said Endless Vacation guitarist Nick Childress as he threw away his “Guitar for Dummies” book that he had never even opened. “The majority of their albums were played by session musicians, not the real Ramones. At least that’s what I heard. That’s why I don’t see why I should waste my life studying and practicing like a chump when I can focus on what really matters: Looking cool on stage. That’s what the Ramones would’ve wanted.”

Endless Vacation manager Ciara Johnson-Esposito says the band allocates a large portion of their resources to non-musical endeavors.

“Upwards of 80% of their budget is spent on leather jackets, sunglasses, plain t-shirts, and rare pressings of Ramones records and the other 20% is for cocaine,” said Johnson-Esposito as she booked the group to open for a Clash cover band. “Let’s face it, the Ramones really only played two songs. A fast one and a slightly less fast one. So once you can get those two down, you can basically play them all. All you really have to do is get the gist of a Ramones song to be able to cover it. That’s the whole charm of them.”

Marky Ramone’s former drum tech Rob Gould confirmed as much.

“Oh yeah, Marky always played the wrong song live. Sometimes on accident, but usually on purpose,” said Gould as he twirled a corn dog like a drumstick. “Oftentimes the audience wouldn’t even notice, let alone the rest of the band. Hell, most of the time Joey was singing a Beach Boys song or something and nobody was none the wiser. But nearly every classic punk band from the late ‘70s and early ‘80s was just winging it up on stage. It was just a different time.”

At press time, Endless Vacation discovered that they could double their profits by becoming a Sex Pistols cover band on the side, despite not learning any of their songs either.