LOS ANGELES — Local self-described “elder emo” Jasper Berkeley, 37, turned down the volume to his car stereo playing Taking Back Sunday’s 2002 classic “Cute Without The ‘E’ (Cut From The Team)” in a knee-jerk reaction when stopped at a red light next to a Jeep full of teenagers, snickering sources confirmed.
“It wasn’t that I was embarrassed or anything. Yeah I could see them pointing at me, and one of them rolled their eyes so hard I thought she was going to black out, but I maintain that I turned the music down out of politeness,” remarked Berkeley. “I know at that age kids need to be really focused on the road and not have any distractions make them lose that focus. Yeah, they were playing music and talking too but I didn’t want to add to the ambient noise. We made brief eye contact and I heard them laughing but it was definitely because it was a funny moment, not because I was hitting the chorus at full volume doing my best Adam Lazzara. Couldn’t have been, because they would have been cheering me on if that was the case.”
Daisy Bata, one of the teenagers in the Jeep, was not able to capture the moment on their phones fast enough to their dismay.
“When we pulled up next to the Subaru we almost thought it was my dad because he also plays those types of songs when he’s alone in the garage. We kept trying to get his attention after he turned the volume down to give him a thumbs up for his performance but he ignored us.” relayed the 18-year-old high school senior. “He seemed kind of scared, almost like he was in a bad neighborhood and didn’t want to bring any attention to himself. But we still wanted to give him a thumbs up for effort because we love people who feel young.”
Behavior Expert in the new field of ‘Millenial Embarrassment of Nostalgia’ Donald Canard explained this new phenomenon.
“Whereas previous generations love to compare their nostalgia as superior to the newer generations, we found that Millennials seem to have anxiety when having to present it to younger folks out of fear of being judged and being labeled as ‘uncool,’” clarified Canard. “The music, fashion, and trends of early 2000s kids who are now adults still hasn’t retro’d therefore the kids who are trendsetters now don’t find any value in their elder’s past. Once a younger group of kids re-discovers this era and makes Fashioncore a thing again then it won’t be so bad. And if that never comes, we may have a social crisis in the near future.”
At press time, Berkeley was given a second written warning at work for playing From Autumn to Ashes’ “Short Stories With Tragic Endings” too loud in his cubicle.