Scandinavian post-rock band Sigur Rós have been wowing crowds for decades, but due to their quirky decision to sing in a made-up nonsense language called “Icelandic,” fans have failed to decipher the meaning of their songs.
Until now. Using cutting-edge AI technology and also some drugs, The Hard Times has painstakingly translated their entire oeuvre. If you were expecting deep metaphors comparing bleak volcanic landscapes to the majesty of the human soul, think again – turns out most of their songs are just petty exercises in score-settling, shit-stirring and straight-up bitchiness.
Here are 10 of their nastiest diss tracks.
Hjartað Hamast (bamm bamm bamm)
The late ’90s saw Sigur Rós engaged in a violent turf war with nearby band Múm. Cars and guns were not readily available to them, but our translation of Hjartað Hamast details Sigur Rós’s innovative alternative to the traditional drive-by shooting:
Múm, you come at us on your Slow Bicycles
We hit you with a sail-by codding
Bamm bamm bamm
Three cod in your skull
Three cod up your ass
We should reach your domicile by Tuesday evening (if the winds are kind to us)
Fljótavík
One of the loveliest, most intimate songs in their catalog – so we were shocked to discover the cocksure braggadocio of its lyrics, which appear to be castigating a cheating ex-boyfriend:
Look at me now, Guðmundur
Latterly, I have irrepressible peen
It cannot be legislated for
There were plenty more fish in the sea
And now I’m like a trawler in the motherfucking Færeyjadjup
Peeeeeeen ( x 16 )
tík betra að eiga peningana mína (Bitch Better Have My Money)
This early Sigur Rós B-side lay in obscurity until Rihanna’s 2015 cover version took it stratospheric. But die-hard fans still insist the original is superior, pointing in particular to this verse that was cut from Rihanna’s version:
Bitch better have my money!
Pay me what you owe me
If you steal my bowed-guitar technique
I will litigate to the full extent of copyright law
I call the shots, shots, shots
Like brrap, brrap, brrap
Mílanó 
Over the course of ten slowly crescendo-ing minutes, singer Jónsi calls out fellow Icelandic musician Björk for a perceived snub while they were both in attendance at the 2004 Milan Fashion Week. The song climaxes with this stinging assault:
Bitch why did you blank me?
Was it because I was going through my My Chemical Romance old military jacket phase?
Icelandic celebs should stick together
Don’t make me hang out with Ólafur Arnalds, he’s a fucking dweeb
Bitch ( x 32 )
Route One (24 Hour Version)
In 2016, Sigur Rós drove round the coast of their home country over the course of a full day, broadcasting the trip on YouTube and soundtracking it with a software-generated 24-hour reinvention of their track “óveður”. There are no lyrics, but at one point they take a winding diversion through the backstreets of Reykjavík – and the route that they traced showed up on Google Maps spelling out the phrase “FUK U DANZIG”. Nobody knows why.
Þú ættir virkilega að vita (You Really Oughta Know)
Critics wrote off this interpolation of Alanis Morissette’s spiteful anthem “You Oughta Know” as a bit of flippant fun when it was released. But the context became crystal clear when we translated Jónsi’s Icelandic lyrics – which are just as vengeful as the original, but a lot less ambiguous:
This is a song about Dave Coulier
I can’t believe I hooked up with Dave Coulier, stupid stupid stupid
He did everything Alanis warned us about in the song
What was I thinking?
Fuck that guy
Anyway, like I said, this is a song about Dave Coulier
Brennisteinn
This colossal song conjures up erupting volcanoes and shifting tectonic plates, and the title has long been thought to mean “brimstone”. But our translation instead paints a picture of a tetchy exchange with a staff member at the Reykjavík DMV:
I just want to renew my license
But I come up against some petty bureaucrat called….
Show me your badge!
“Brenni Steinn”?
Okay Brenni, I’m going to write a diss track about you
And this bit will be in the lyrics
Þú ferð heim í fjandans sjúkrabíl (You’re Going Home in a Fucking Ambulance)
As fanatical followers of soccer, the band leapt at the chance to write an intimidating chant for fans of their national team. However, since even the thuggiest of Icelandic fans are able to produce a passably sublime falsetto, the chant usually has the effect of reducing opposing fans to floods of happy tears.
Hoppípolla
Their most famous song, and also the only one where the English meaning of the title is actually well-known – “puddle jumping”. But what might have been imagined as a song about taking pleasure in child-like wonder, is in fact the height of pettiness:
Bitch I splash you
You splash me, and I splash you right back
I’m telling Mom, you’re going to be in so much trouble
Bitch ( x 48 )
Rap Battle With Morten Harket from A-ha (Oslo, April 1996)
Prior to releasing music with Sigur Rós, a young Jónsi cut his teeth in the Scandinavian battle-rap circuit. Grainy VHS footage exists of his star-making victory over the “Take On Me” singer Morten Harket, which we can now finally translate:
Listen!
Listen!
Old Man Harket / You’re a one-hit wonder, son
Were you in Fargo? / ‘Cos you look like Marge Gunderson
Comin’ up behind you / I’mma push you in a fjord
Fish you out, chop you up / serve you on a Smörgåsbord