29.Benny Fazio
His ability to follow orders, be in the background a lot, and laugh at his boss’s jokes sort of dooms him to VP honestly.
28. Patsy Parisi
Patsy is a loyalist to the bone, possibly to a fault. He’s taken a lot of guff over the years, like being passed over for a promotion, or having his twin brother murdered, and sure he raises a stink, but he always falls in line. He would be better suited in the Senate.
27. Butch DeConcini
Butch sort of just showed up out of nowhere and was immediately terrifying. That’s the origin story of a lot of presidential candidates.
26. Vin Makazian
The GOP paradoxically loves two things in a candidate above all else — law and order, and corruption on a massive scale. With Vin Makazian, republicans get a candidate who can do both.
25. Angie Bonpensiero
Season one Angie wouldn’t have stood a chance in the polls, but she went on to pull herself up by the bootstraps and proved that she could wheel and deal with the highest echelons of New Jersey Slime.
24. Jackie Aprile Jr.
His entitlement, stupidity, and smarmy potential date-rapist demeanor is very in with young conservatives. Consider him a rising star, but now might not be his time.
23. Silvio “Sil” Dante
Don’t get us wrong, Sil is a valuable strategist and the right kind of sleazy to appeal to today’s voting conservative. The trouble is he cracks under the spotlight. He’s a behind-the-scenes guy, and the GOP can’t have a candidate questioning Biden’s health while clinging to his inhaler for dear life.
22. Vito Spatafore
He’s a positive go-getter and he’s been losing weight, which to the average conservative boomer is the pinnacle of human achievement. He might make a splash at first, but once the first reporter asks him “What exactly is the nature of your relationship with Johnny Cakes?” he’ll probably fold.
21. David Scatino
David needs to win because busting out the country is the only way he can pay the mob back what he owes in gambling debts.