With the news that Heyer Elementary School in Waukesha, Wisconsin has removed “Rainbowland” by Dolly Parton and Miley Cyrus from their annual Spring Concert, concerned parents have put together a list of other problematic songs and nursery rhymes they feel could indoctrinate their childrens’ innocent young minds. The Hard Times has gotten a hold of the list that the Waukesha Board of Education is in the midst of reviewing.
Please be warned, some of the content in these songs could be considered troubling to some readers.
Pat-A-Cake
A rhyme about bakers? I don’t think so. He’s probably being forced to pat and prick a cake for a gay couple adopting a baby. Unacceptable.
Baa Baa Black Sheep
Of course the sheep is lack. Heaven forbid we show our kids that white sheep exist without making them feel guilty.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
I don’t need my son wondering what he is, okay? Also, I don’t like the word “twinkle.” Just doesn’t sit right.
Rock-A-Bye Baby
Trying to normalize cradle rocking is dangerous, and will lead to cradle robbing if left unattended. That’s probably what these groomers want though, isn’t it?
Itsy Bitsy Spider
Sunny, then rainy, then sunny again? Perfect conditions for a rainbow. Keep your climate politics out of our schools.
Humpty Dumpty
Implying that there is any mission that the king’s military can’t handle is unpatriotic. Also, no wall talk until we have one at the border.
Five Little Monkeys
Doctors shouldn’t be telling parents how to raise their children. We love our pediatrician because she has never once told me to stop my kids from jumping on the bed.
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Without order, there is chaos, and children laughing at someone breaking the rules sets a bad precedent.
I’m A Little Teapot
Letting children pretend to be teapots is a slippery slope toward them saying their pronouns are short/stout. Not on my watch!
Wheels on the Bus
Let me guess… this song comes with a lesson about Rosa Parks? It’s been 70 years; enough already.
Hickory Dickory Dock
Nice try. We’ve all heard the Andrew Dice Clay bit.
The school board is also reviewing the district’s policy on musical instruments as a whole, citing that multiple parents have claimed that joining the band in itself seems “a little gay.”