Since 1976 the muppetts have been one of the most beloved institutions in the American media landscape, providing decades of that rare form of entertainment the whole family can truly enjoy. That’s what makes their connection to disgraced financier Jeffery Epstein all the more troubling.
We’ve ranked these beloved Jim Henson characters by how often their names appear on the flight manifest of the infamous Lolita Express, and the results are truly unnerving.
29. Rowlf the Dog
Nope, absolutely not, Rowlf is a good dog. Epstein tried recruiting him to play piano blindfolded at his parties “Eyes Wide Shut” style but Rowlf wanted nothing to do with it. Good boy Rowlf.
28. Janice
Her name doesn’t show up in the flight logs a single time and rumor has it she bit Ghislaine Maxwell at a party once. Janice is clean, can’t say the same for the rest of The Electric Mayhem though.
27. Sweetums
Sweetums is true to his schtick. Despite being the most monsterous looking muppet Sweetums never once boarded The Lolita Express. His only crime is his silence over the years as he watched trusted household name muppet contemporaries engage in the most sinister and nefarious activities imaginable. He doesn’t like confrontation, but that’s no excuse, big fella.
26. Beaker
If this were some sort of comedy piece we could say that Beaker was a deviant sex addict and have a field day making up stuff about how he uses his head as a penis. Luckily this is a very real piece of journalism, and Beaker is not one of the many, many muppets that committed very real sex crimes with Jeffery Epstein.
25. Animal
Animal goes where the party is, and when you’re in Dr. Teeth’s band the party inevitably moves to Epstein’s sex island. Animal did not approve of the goings on and built a drum-powered raft to escape. He tried to blow the whistle, but since he only communicates through screams and drumming the prosecution was unable to build a case around his testimony.
24. Gene
A known cannibal, Epstein kept Gene on retainer to dispose of employees who had become troublesome or aged out.
23. Bobo the Bear
Once a middling background bear, Bobo’s profile was raised during the Muppets Tonight era, and by 2011 he had his own lifestyle web show “Better Living with Bobo.” Sadly, like many lifestyle gurus, Bobo’s upbeat positive persona masked a sinister dark side. It is unknown how often Bobo went to Epstein’s island. What is known is that he’s currently serving 15 years on a plea deal and currently shares a cell with Jared Fogle.
22. Beauregard
Beauregard accompanied Bobo on his frequent Lolita Express excursions in his capacity as Bobo’s personal assistant. By all accounts, he was only there doing his job, but he knew what was going on and never came forward. It makes you wonder what Bobo must have had on him to illicit such loyalty.
21. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
After learning that Epstein was courting the likes of Malcolm Gladwell, Bill Gates, and Neil deGrasse Tyson, Dr. Bunson Honeydew became obsessed with worming his way to the inner circle. While there’s no evidence Dr. Honeydew participated in any illegal activity directly, there are reports that he worked closely with Epstein to streamline his breeding program, so his role can be described as chaotic neutral at best.
20. Crazy Harry
Epstein frequently recruited Crazy Harry to use his pyrotechnic skills to “liquidate” properties that had become a problem for him. His standard pay was $1000 worth of copper while and the all-inclusive “Humbert Humbert package” aboard the Lolita Express.
19. Dr. Teeth
Dr. Teeth is all about image and mystique. He meticulously cultivates the image of The Electric Mayhem, and that includes adding a sense of danger to the band’s lore. He flew on The Lolita Express a few times just to be seen and add to the group’s sinister mythos. He didn’t partake in any illegal activities, Dr. Teeth low-key keeps his nose clean, but his silence on the things he was privy to and the deplorable behavior of his fellow bandmates make him complicit.
18. Uncle Deadly
Once mistaken for a ghost haunting the Muppet Show theater, Uncle Deadly is as old Hollywood as they come. A little too old Hollywood.
17. Miss Piggy
Piggy’s obsession with being a social climber led her to parties at Ghislaine Maxwell’s house, and while she did karate chop the hostess out of jealousy on their first meeting, the two became fast friends. There is strong evidence that Piggy used her connections and status in the modeling world to scout prospects for trafficking.
16. Zoot
Never trust an aging hippie in a bucket hat.
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