Since we’ve already ranked the albums from both Converge and Cave In we thought it only fitting to complete the triumvirate of the three big C’s by doing Coalesce. Of the three, Coalsece are certainly the most abrasive both in sound and lyrics. There isn’t a moment of melody in their music and vocalist Sean Ingram ruffled a few feathers with songs denouncing the politics of straight edge and his pro-Christianity stance.
Well, we hopped in our nostalgia machine and traveled back in time to revisit Coalesce’s catalog and though we may have stiff necks from trying to nod along to breakdowns in 9/4 and sore throats from doing our best Ingram growl impressions we’re ready to get into it.
5. There Is Nothing New Under The Sun (1999)
Yeah so right off the bat I’m breaking the rules and including what is technically an EP of Led Zeppelin covers in the album rankings. It did originally come out on 12” though so fuck it. Look, there’s nothing wrong with doing a cover song. It can help pad the time on a set and might even be the only time you get an audience to move around a bit because they actually know a song you’re playing. But recording an entire album (or EP) of covers reeks of self-indulgence. If you really want to listen to a whole album of cover songs just go listen to any actual Led Zeppelin since it’s all old blues songs that they stole* anyway.
*Our legal team just reminded me I need to add the word “allegedly” to this sentence, so here it is: Allegedly.
Play it again: The whole thing is honestly worth a listen but the novelty wears thin pretty quickly
Skip it: Trying to learn how to play “Stairway” on guitar. Seriously, you’re like at least three decades too late at this point
4. Ox (2009)
“This next one is a new one” might be one of the most feared sentences to be uttered by a band. Everyone loves a reunion, and getting the band back together is almost always a good idea. It’s when the decision to make new music comes into play that things get sketchy. Luckily this reunion release mostly came with the goods but at 14 songs it starts to lose the plot a little bit. Points awarded though for the cover design. The geometric shapes that have the word “Ox” hidden in them are a nice departure from the Photoshop vomit that was on their earlier work and that plagued almost every band in the late ‘90s.
Play it again: “Wild Ox Moan”
Skip it: “By What We Refuse”
3. Functioning on Impatience (1998)
If you are friends with someone who is of a certain age and is into this era of hardcore go text them right now “WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME.” No seriously go do it, we’ll wait. If they don’t immediately reply with “SOME SORT OF APOLOGY” block them forever because they are frauds. A couple guitar riffs here come dangerously close to being nu-metal but I’ll let it slide since there were no Adidas tracksuits or white guy dreadlocks involved.
Play it again: “You Can’t Kill Us All,” “A Disgust For Details”
Skip it: “Reoccuing Ache Of” It’s 2023 and no one has the attention span to sit through a 10-second TikTok video so you’re certainly not going to listen to two minutes of experimental discordant nonsense
2. 0:12 Revolution in Just Listening (1999)
Maybe the only good thing to happen with Coalesce covering all those Zeppelin songs is that they came out the other end of it with some grooviness added to their repertoire. James Dewees must’ve gotten all the jokiness out of his system after doing his first Reggie and the Full Effect album because he is throwing down some serious ass drumming. I’m guessing they had a few extra dollars for the recording budget since this was on Relapse because it is their best-sounding album. Sometimes selling out is waking up.
Play it again: “What Happens On The Road Always Comes Home” This is the theme song to going into a blind rage and punching coworkers in the face. At least that’s what I told the HR woman after I got fired from Chili’s
Skip it: “Cowards.com” Don’t get me wrong, it rips, but having “dotcom” in a song title is peak early 2000s cringe. If they wrote the song in 2013 it would have been called “Hashtag Cowards”5
1. Give Them Rope (1997)
This album starts off at full speed from the first second. No feedback, no intro, no quiet whisper talking, or a creepy sample from an old violent movie. Just straight into dirty, blistering anger that doesn’t let up for a moment. Lyrically it gets a little iffy at times. Like in “Have Patience” Ingram seems to be mad about Charles Darwin for some reason? But honestly, just turn the little mic icon off on Spotify and enjoy because you can’t understand what he’s saying anyway.
Play it again: Every abrasive second
Skip it: Getting sucked into a debate about evolution in the comments section of this article