20. Veronica Townsend
If there was ever a woman willing to seize power by any means necessary, it’s controlling Orange County mom Veronica Townsend. In 2023, she would not only be the chairwoman of the local “Moms Against Democracy” chapter, she would have stormed the capitol on January 6. If her daughter Taylor doesn’t marry one of Jared Kushner’s water polo colleagues, she will flip the fuck out.
19. Zach Stevens
This guy is the most boring White dude you’ve ever seen. How else would he vote?
18. Marissa Cooper
She loves to rescue damaged men. It’s her whole thing to get way too obsessed with clearly bad men and ignore every single red flag, like legislating away rights to abortion or being Kevin Volchok. She would absolutely believe that she could help wildly xenophobic hatemongers if anybody just gave them a chance. Good thing she’s dead.
17. Reed Carlson
Reed Carlson personally knows George Lucas, so you know she’s dealt with a lot of elderly assholes with money. Like many others on this list, Carlson would be into the modern GOP more out of opportunism, like how she attempted to pit two artists against each other to wrest away control of their creative work and sexualized a teenager in order to use her as a mascot.
16. D.J.
One of the O.C.’s few non-White recurring characters, you damn well know the Coopers’ sexy pool boy didn’t even merit a last name. He’s a blue-collar guy who seems to have some principles, but 20 years of being treated like a second-class citizen by the California elite has curdled some real hate in his belly. He may not believe in PizzaGate yet, but he can be convinced.
15. Henry Griffin
The head of the “Hospital Board,” this guy takes kickbacks from contractors, hires thugs to beat up anyone who crosses him, and has a shitty forehand in tennis. This asshole probably truly does believe that Brown people are coming for his stupid kids, and JFK Jr would have agreed with Trump. He’s just the worst and would probably finance a local book-banning group.
14. Taryn Baker
This Orange County socialite only has one hobby: fuck as many younger men as possible. She’s probably a racist, too, but as long as there are easily seducible young men in the area that she can cheat on your husband with, she’s there.
13. Oliver Trask
This piece of shit. More than anything else, Oliver wants to be accepted by others, and he’ll lie, threaten, and manipulate people into seeing him as a poor, downtrodden innocent who is constantly and unfairly abused. Sound like anyone else? Add a few decades of rehab visits and constant money infusions from emotionally distant parents, and Oliver is a senatorial candidate.
12. Dawn Atwood
Now, Dawn Atwood, Ryan and Trey’s mother, is a bummer to have this high on the list. She got dealt a shitty hand in life every step of the way: addiction issues, abusive partners, at least one shitty kid. Dawn is the exact kind of person who can go hardcore MAGA because if someone says things have been unfair to you, you’re inclined to listen to them.
11. Jimmy Cooper
Jimmy Cooper is a weak man, plain and simple. He’s a fail-son who has destroyed every opportunity he has ever been given, which was a lot, but he’s a good-looking White guy, so he doesn’t do a single day in jail for stealing millions. This guy went bankrupt like three times over the course of the show, he’d probably see a lot of himself in our former President.
10. Jack Hess
This Tucker Carlson-looking motherfucker blows into town to be an authoritarian dean, fucks a student, then leaves without consequences. Despite having sex with an underage girl, he sees himself as a moral compass and is willing to invoke his infallible (read: probably made-up) credentials as a reason to do whatever he wants. This guy and Greg Gutfeld probably have a standing squash game.
9. Rachel Hoffman
It’s actually surprising that Rachel Hoffman’s character wasn’t just called “Ivanba Grump,” considering how she fits the blonde, amoral ideal of the MAGA movement. On the other hand, she did actually earn a law degree, which puts her over a lot of people in the inner circle. Anyway, this woman has definitely said, “Do you know who I am?” in her life.
8. Trey Atwood
Like his mother, Trey Atwood was born into shitty circumstances, and they didn’t get any better as they went on. On the other hand, he’s an attempted rapist, a violent criminal, a bad brother, a bad son, and a bad car thief. He’s someone who sees himself as part of the “real” America and knows a whole lot of what is wrong with it. He’d probably keep his opinions to himself unless he got a few beers in him, but he always has a few in him already.
7. Taylor Townsend
Taylor is basically PG Tracy Flick, and there is zero chance that this type-A student would not go into politics after graduating from Vassar with a double major. It’s actually a coin-flip of whether she would get incredibly conservative and know a lot of statistics about birth rates dropping in White nations or whether she’d be a diehard, unrelenting fan of “Girl Boss” Nancy Pelosi. Not a chill person to hang out with, either way.
6. Kevin Volchok
Kevin Volchok was described as a “surf Nazi.” What more do you need?
5. Che Cook
We’ve all known Chester “Che” Cook. Really into progressive activism, except when there are risks to himself. The son of a pharmaceutical CEO. A shitty dresser. He’s not only portrayed by a pre-”Parks and Recreation” Chris Pratt, but he probably has the same mealy-mouthed covert Republican politics. He’s definitely been to a celebrity mega-church run by someone called “Pastor DJ.”
4. Summer Roberts
In many ways, the world would have been better for Summer Roberts to stay in the O.C. and remain obsessed with money and shopping her whole life. Instead, she figured out she was structurally intelligent, got into activism in college, was disillusioned by liberalism, and returned to the land of the rich and powerful, Orange County. She’s basically a hot version of Clarence Thomas. Well, hotter, we mean.
3. Caleb Nichol
There’s no world in which predatory real estate magnate and all-around stone-cold asshole Caleb Nichol is not based in part on Trump. His daughter married a secular Jew, he hates everyone around him, he cheats on his wife, and is secretly broke but just acts like a big shot. He is MAGA.
2. Frank Atwood
Ryan’s dad is a scumbag whose first action out of getting out of prison is to look up his son and his rich new family, then figure out how to marry into high society somehow. We’ll be honest, though: Frank was portrayed by Kevin Sorbo, which makes him MAGA in all possible worlds, no matter what. That means Hercules was, too. Sorry.
1. Seth Cohen
This one might shock, but let’s consider the facts here. Seth is an incel who grows up resenting others for not seeing how special and awesome his precious nerd interests are. He’s Jewish but makes Christians know he will defer to their social customs whenever and wherever they want. He’s condescending to people in poor communities, not actually all that bright, and fearful that he’ll never truly be accepted and so must manipulate people to pretend they like him. Sorry, Seth: you’re Stephen Miller.