The amps are getting turned off and everyone is talking about trying to do something with that last riff. You’re about to hit the lights when your bass player says they’re going to stay behind and practice some scales. The only scales they’ve ever brought to practice were from their untreated psoriasis. Something seems weird, but you don’t know how to ask. Just look for these tell-tale signs to see if your bass player now resides on that patch of filthy carpet between the drum kit and bass cab.

Parents have moved to Florida

Mr. and Mrs. Jabowski have packed up for Boca Raton, and you know the new owners of 218 Maple Lane aren’t allowing any part-time barback whose only winter jacket is a 12-year-old High on Fire hoodie rent out their basement.

Blanket from Kick Drum Used to Make Fort

This is a dead giveaway as your bass player probably believes this shelter will protect them from ghosts and/or ghoulies while they sleep.

Empty Happy Meal Containers

The trash can might start overflowing with these containers. You may also find small toys and figurines from the Happy Meals set up in band-like formations. This is where your bass player will live out their fantasies of being a respected member of the band.

Urine Bottles Along Wall

They might ask to save all the beer bottles after practice for “recycling.” You might find them filled with piss and gathered against the wall behind the bass cab.

Doodles of Animals and Swords

Some of the animals might have huge boobs and/or cocks as well.

Other Bass Players Seen Leaving

“Bassists,” as they prefer to be called, tend to form social colonies, so don’t be surprised to see several chin-scruffed and beanie-sporting miscreants scurry away as you approach for practice.

Strong Smell of Dirty Jeans and Cheetos

It’s like the legal definition of pornography – this smell you can’t quite define but you’ll know it when you smell it.

Keeps Suggesting More Comfortable Soundproofing

The thin moving blankets will stop being adequate. They might start suggesting egg crate foam, or insisting that 1,000 thread count comforters from Bed Bath & Beyond are much better and muffling sound.

Has Names for Practice Space Rats

If he starts mentioning that he was hanging out with Gus and Louie last night – scrounging, gnawing, and collapsing their rib cages to fit through tiny holes in the drywall – understand that these new friends aren’t human.

All Their New Songs Are About Hot Showers and Microwaves

You never thought a song about the pizza button preset would bring you to tears, but here we are.