Uh oh guys, looks like dad’s had it up to here with our youthful, early 2000s pop-punk hi-jinks. Look at this freaking guy. Just glaring at us over a newspaper. I mean, it’s between the years 2002 and 2006- who even reads the newspaper anymore?!
What did we do that was so wrong, anyway? We just got back from an afternoon of rambunctious, but generally harmless, fun at the Crestview Waterfront Mall. Yes, my best friend pushed me in an empty shopping cart and yes I was spreading my arms like a bird trying to fly away to a land where someone understands how I feel. So fine old timer, just keep staring at me dude. I don’t care.
Excuse me? Did this dude really just impatiently sigh at me as I walked by him in this music video? So you’re glaring at me and now sighing at me? Do I dress too weird for you old man? Don’t like my piercings or the rips in my Dickies, huh?
I’m about 99 percent sure he knows that we spent the other day emptying out a neighbor’s pool using a Goulds Water Tech B-67H Pump and skated it. Or maybe he knows that I’ve had a crush on my best friend’s girlfriend for weeks and he’s judging me for the friendship I’m about to destroy over a girl. A perfect, stupid, beautiful, horrible, wonderful girl!
This is maddening. What gives him the right? Who is he to judge me? I’m a 29 year old kid out here trying to make my way in the world but does anyone even try to understand how I feel? No!
Oh thank God he’s back to reading the newspaper. No, he’s glaring again! Fuck! Judging our clothes, our high socks, our colorful Mohawks. Like you’re so perfect! Are you Anubis? Will you weigh my heart against the feather of Ma’at on a scale to see if I’m worthy of your standards sir?!? Answer me with more than your eyes! Your burning eyes of judgment!