Press "Enter" to skip to content

Wrestling Fan Expected More From First Poetry Slam

DENTON, Texas — Lifelong wrestling enthusiast Ryland Reeves reportedly attended a poetry slam at Circe Coffee under the assumption that it was a match, sources with septum piercings confirmed.

“Circe is a lot smaller than my local gym, so I figured they just didn’t have room for a proper ring,” Reeves said while sipping a lavender oat milk latte. “The dyed hair and combat boots didn’t phase me either because I see that stuff all the time on the WWE network. I didn’t realize anything was wrong until some blue-haired kid took the stage with a ukulele and played the saddest Phoebe Bridgers cover I’ve heard in my life. Even if her strumming had been in tune, ‘Chinese Satellite’ is terrible entrance music.”

Circe Coffee barista Emma Durnin recounted Reeves’ bizarre behavior at the event.

“Most poetry slam attendees snap their fingers or gently applaud if they really dig a performance, but this guy screamed and cheered like he was at a cage match,” Durnin said in between readings. “He even brought a giant homemade sign that said ‘SLAUGHTER HIM’ and blocked everybody’s view of our drink menu. Still, his attendance makes this slam one of our most profitable events in years. He spent $50 on T-shirts and coffee grounds from our merch line in between performances. That kind of support means a lot.”

Denton Poetry Society president Libby Boone, who organized the event at Circe, noted that her vague definition of the group’s events often boosts attendance.

“When I first started inviting people to our monthly music and poetry nights at Circe, people mocked us, but advertising them as ‘slams’ entices new attendees to show up,” Boone admitted while typing her latest poem in her phone’s Notes app. “Last month, some metalheads came expecting a circle pit and left with a newfound appreciation for the art of the spoken word. Recruiting this guy proves that deception works on all kinds of people. It just depends on whether we hang flyers at Planet Fitness or scatter them near record stores.”

At press time, Reeves was seen entering a local Denny’s in hopes of witnessing a grander slam.