LAS VEGAS — Pop R&B star Usher revealed that he will mainly perform his character Gabe Santora from the 1998 alien invasion film “The Faculty” during this year’s Super Bowl halftime show, confirmed sources who hadn’t seen that movie in forever.
“This is going to be just as memorable as the time we all saw Janet Jackson’s nipple during that one halftime,” said the singer, songwriter, and dancer who occasionally acts and even dabbles in balloon animal artistry. “Don’t worry, my performance will still be a part of a 15-minute medley of my biggest hits. That’s right. I’ll also be playing my role of Campus DJ from ‘She’s All That’ as well as my character of Ira the Janitor in ‘Scary Movie 5.’ We may even have some special guest appearances from the movie too, like Josh Harnett’s stunt coordinator and Jon Stewart’s makeup artist who made it look like he had a pen shoved in his eye that violently fizzed up. You just never know who’s going to show up at one of these things.”
Fans of Usher were disappointed at his decision to execute such an unorthodox halftime concert.
“You’re telling me that not only will I not hear his legendary songs, but I have to be reminded of a 25-year-old movie that I once saw on TBS on a Saturday afternoon in 2006?” said NFL fan Lucas Mackalay. “It’s bad enough that I only know that one song called ‘Yeah!’ I was really hoping to take this opportunity to learn some of his 25 other hits that I’ve been meaning to get around to. What good is football if I can’t learn about pop music? For instance, I now know who Taylor Swift is whether I like it or not.”
Music historian Leigh Heinsworth revealed that Usher’s upcoming performance is not actually unheard of for multi-talented artists.
“Musicians who are also actors notoriously take any opportunity they can to relive their theatrical experiences,” said Heinsworth. “Henry Rollins would often bust out a reenactment as Officer Dobbs from his role in the 1994 movie ‘The Chase’ during his spoken word shows. Iggy Pop used to frequently stop shows to perform his character Belvedere Rickettes from ‘Cry-Baby.’ Anything to spread awareness of their IMDb page and ‘Filmography’ section of their Wikipedia entry.”
In related news, Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs revealed that they would be performing live demonstrations of their roles in State Farm commercials between quarters for some reason.