KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce was found dead today after his fiancée Taylor Swift accidentally left him in her sweltering hot private jet shortly after they announced their plans to be married, NFL sources confirmed.
“I told Travis not to fool around with those gatdang private jets, I never liked that the windows don’t roll down, and he always got tangled up in the seat belts! Oh this is all my fault, I saw him banging on the windows but I thought he was just foolin’ around playing peek-a-boo,” sobbed brother Jason Kelce. “We can’t even have an open casket ’cause he got all cooked up and exploded like a hot dog roasting over a campfire. Why God, why do bad things happen to good people, and not monsters like Deshaun Watson or the Jaguar’s mascot?”
Swift’s publicist released a statement on behalf of the grieving pop star.
“It’s been a cruel summer for Taylor, one that will take a lifetime for her to shake it off—especially just weeks after the announcement of her new album, ‘The Life of a Showgirl,’ available on all streaming platforms October 3rd, 2025,” said publicist Breanna Grant. “A tragic end to a love story like Taylor and Travis will leave a blank space for years to come, but if there’s anyone that can resume touring with a tortured soul, it’s Tay Tay. Fear not Swifties, Taylor will find a way to mend her broken heart and return to the studio to record her 13th studio album in honor of Travis, ‘When Angels Touch Down in Heaven.'”
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell promised to honor the legacy of the Chiefs All-Pro tight end.
“Although Travis’ life was tragically cut short after he was slow-cooked like a Kansas City brisket, he will be remembered for his on-field talent, bright personality, and bringing the NFL a 2,000% ROI in key female demographics after bagging the biggest popstar in the world,” said Goodell. “To honor Travis’ legacy, the NFL will be raising awareness this season about the greatest danger facing our athletes today: being accidentally left in sweltering hot luxury vehicles. Please join me now and find the nearest window to leave open a ‘Crack for Kelce.'”
Swift was later seen being comforted during an intimate dinner with Jaguars mascot, Jaxson de Ville.