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Texas to Celebrate 25th Anniversary of “The Green Mile” by Executing 25 Innocent People

AUSTIN, Texas — Government officials in Texas announced their state will pay homage to the iconic film “The Green Mile” on the 25th anniversary of its release by executing 25 completely innocent people, deranged sources confirmed.

“Texas has a rich history of putting innocent people to death, 16 that have been proven in court, and a few of those innocent people weren’t even mentally competent enough to understand what was happening. We are proud of that,” commented Texas Governor Greg Abbott. “We’ve had many citizens contact our office asking why it’s been so long since an innocent person has been murdered by the state. Unfortunately, blaming left-wing communists isn’t cutting it anymore. That’s why we are holding this event, to honor one of the greatest films ever created and satisfy the bloodlust of our insane communities.”

Although there have been some mixed reviews on the ceremony, the response has been mostly positive especially from convicted serial killer Richard Katowski, also known as, “The Giggling Grandma of Galveston.”

“Ah yeah, the nickname tends to confuse people. I used to dress up as an old woman to give people a false sense of security and then I’d tell them jokes the whole time I was torturing them. I’m a big ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ fan,” explained Katowski without blinking. “I’m excited for the celebration, any time an innocent person is killed I get rock hard, I’m talking forged steel, you could use this thing as an anvil if you wanted. Plus, I was scheduled to die next month but it got delayed because they needed all the pentobarbital for the fest, and since I’m guilty as hell so I’m ineligible for it.”

The celebration will be kicked off by “Green Mile” actor Tom Hanks who seemed to not understand what was happening.

“I’m honored to open the ceremony. I am enormously proud to have been a part of that film that has such a great legacy here in Texas,” said Hanks. “People think I’m such a nice guy, but I enjoy watching the life drain out of a person’s eyes as much as the next guy. I can’t wait to see the electric chair in real life, I want to be the person who pushes the buttons that inject the deadly cocktail into the veins of an innocent person while their mother cries behind soundproof glass. It’s why I got into acting.

At press time, Governor Abbott remarked that while Texas is elated for the celebration, it pales in comparison to what they have planned for the anniversary of “American History X.”