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Roommate Unboxing Realistic Replica of Valyrian Steel Sword Announces He’s Going to be Late on Rent This Month

RALEIGH, N.C. — Local “Game of Thrones” enthusiast John Linden was overjoyed as he unwrapped what he described as a “fully functional and historically accurate” blade, which immensely annoyed sources report comes at the expense of his share of the rent.

“This is an exact replica of Longclaw, that’s Jon Snow’s sword if you didn’t know,” said Linden while visibly shaking with enthusiasm. “But not only is it an exact replica, it’s also one of a kind. I had this custom made by a local blacksmith. This isn’t some factory manufactured blade we’re talking about here. Yeah, it didn’t come cheap, but some things are more precious than money. And before you even ask, no, you can’t hold it.”

Linden’s roommate Dave Trahan, who watched helplessly as Linden announced he would be late on rent while striking various poses with the sword, expressed his concern on the impact this could have on their housing situation.

“I don’t want to know what he paid for that thing, but apparently it was well over a thousand dollars and he mentioned a four year payment plan,” said Trahan. “This isn’t the first time he’s done this. Last year when he bought Anduril, which is from ‘Lord of the Rings’ or some shit, I had to dip into my savings to cover rent. It took him six months to pay me back. I don’t have that kind of money this year, so he’s on his own. If I get evicted over a sword, it’s going to be hard not to use it on him.”

Upon seeing pictures of the sword on Linden’s “Game of Thrones” fan blog, revered author of the series George R.R. Martin also criticized Linden’s decision to purchase it.

“That looks nothing like Longclaw. To be fair, you can’t expect him to know what it looked like in my imagination, but it doesn’t even look like how it did in the show,” said Martin. “The hilt is all wrong, and it looks way too heavy. There’s no way you could take down a White Walker with this thing. What do you even do with it, just hang it on your wall? Sounds like he may not even have a wall to hang it on soon.”

At press time, Linden was seen recording a video featuring his new toy for his YouTube channel, while Trahan was frantically searching for studio apartments on Craigslist.