Press "Enter" to skip to content

Rockabilly Singer in Vintage Chevelle Late for BBQ After Accidentally Driving in Five Small Town Parades

WENONAH, N.J. — Local rockabilly legend Rex Thompkins of the band “Rex and the Groovebacks” is currently stuck behind a group of fez-adorned Shriners in a small town parade for the fifth time today, sources waving small American flags confirmed.

“There is no way the potato salad I made this morning is still good. This car doesn’t have AC and it’s just been sitting in the backseat roasting in the son,” said Thompkins as he slowly made his way through another quaint downtown area. “I was supposed to be at a party three hours ago, but it seems like every time I cross into a new town some old guy redirects straight into the middle of another goddamn parade. It’s not the worst thing in the world to have people admire my ride, but in the last town, a guy and his dog hopped in my backseat and started waiving. He said the dog was the town’s mayor or something, but I was just worried about my upholstery. I knew I should have taken the highway.”

Onlookers were first enthralled by the loud revving of the 1968 Chevelle but it quickly became clear that something was awry.

“It was thrilling to see that car, I told my grandson I used to have one when I was a teenager and I would drive all around town with my friends raising Cain. But then things turned sour he started honking his horn, calling everyone wet rags and saying how our town was bullshit,” local drugstore owner Chip Turner complained. “He was not being very patriotic for one. We assumed he was some sort of paid entertainer like how I paid someone to be a Spider-Man at my grandson’s birthday party.”

Veteran parade organizer Hope Brown says getting stuck in a parade is more common than people realize and offered these helpful tips to rockabilly fans.

“If it’s a parade-heavy holiday and you are cruising in your convertible hot rod you need to know the warning signs. If you see a marching band, crudely made floats advertising small businesses, or an entire town’s elderly population sitting in lawn chairs along the sidewalk then you have to turn around,” said Brown. “Also avoid people in crowns or wearing sashes. If you are going to comb back your slick black hair try to at least a mile away from a VFW or old fire station. And if you do get caught in a parade, be decent and unroll the cigarettes out of the sleeve of your white t-shirt.”

At press time, Thompkins was further delayed when his old lady was asked to pose for pin-up modeling shots for a local calendar.