GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Local rap-rock band Antagonyze released their latest single “Cop Kisser” which they say should act as a blueprint on how to appreciate and respect all members of law enforcement, sources close to the band confirmed.
“Yo, it makes me sick how much hate I see for cops online. These brave men and women put their mothafuckin’ bodies on the line for us every single day and the best way I could show my appreciation is to write a dope ass song about how we all need to be kissing more cops right on the lips,” said frontman Krazy Karl. “I love cops so much that I’ll speed through school zones hoping to get pulled over. When they ask for my license and registration I’ll give them a little smooch on the hand, and then it’s time to french. This country would be so much better if we all got a little bit more mothafuckin’ comfortable with showing physical affection toward cops, that’s what this dope song is all about.”
Gainesville police officers are aware of the new song and fully support the message.
“Most songs you hear about law enforcement are about how we are all monsters and how cops should be killed. It’s nice to finally have a hard-rocking song about tenderness towards police,” said Officer James Torres. “Sometimes the stress of this job can get to me. Just the other day I had to sit in my car for 45 minutes while two people sorted out a minor traffic accident. People don’t understand how mentally taxing it can be to just sit in a car for eight hours straight. But then a band like Antogonyze comes along and cheers me up. I’m lucky enough to have kissed two members of the band already.”
Music critics across the country have roundly dismissed the song as nothing more than cop-aganda.
“I was expecting Dick Wolf to be a producer on this song. The lyrics are mainly about how cops are superheroes and the least we can do as citizens is gently kiss a cop’s lips to show our appreciation. I roundly disagree with the sentiment and believe we need massive reforms to law enforcement,” said Lauren Terria. “Not to mention, musically the song is a mess. They lifted entire basslines from Korn, the vocals sound like they were recorded in a tin can, and I think they used GarageBand to fill out the drum parts. My version of hell is listening to this song on repeat.”
At press time, Antagonyze announced on Truth Social they were just tapped to perform at the Gainesville Policeman’s Ball.