TUCSON, Ariz. — Consumer trend groups across the country saw a steep increase in sales of rainbow bumper stickers bearing the Marvel Punisher logo among consumers in need of a gift for the enigmas in their family, new reports confirmed.
“I first noticed these stickers on my drives to and from campus on eco-friendly electric vehicles as well as lifted trucks with rubber testicles hanging from the bumper,” said Dr. Anne Kindi, a Sociologist who studies consumer behavior at the University of Arizona. “The rainbow imagery is widely synonymous with LGBQTIA+ activism, while the Punisher symbol has been adopted by pro-police conservatives, often paired with the ‘thin blue line’ flag. The sticker’s sudden popularity either tells us that the combination of these stances is much more common than we previously thought, or that people have no idea what these symbols mean.”
Robin Flack, who bought the sticker for her niece, says that it “just made sense” when she saw it online.
“I don’t really understand my niece. Her favorite place to hang out is the gun range, but lately she’s been reading Anaïs Nin, so she’s hard to peg,” explained Flack. “Last year I got her a $100 American Express gift card and she cut it up in front of me saying she ‘she won’t participate in a capitalist society,’ but at Thanksgiving, she kept talking about how socialism destroys creativity or something. I really don’t know what the fuck is going on, so I guess the gay terminator sticker is the best I’m going to be able to do.”
Connor Stambaugh, a representative for Stickz.market, the company that designed and sells the stickers is excited by the sudden demand for the sticker.
“Look baby, these things are selling like hotcakes,” explained Stambaugh, while repeatedly raising his eyebrows and taking a cigar in and out of his mouth. “I don’t know why they’re so popular, all we do is combine flags with different logos randomly, and make them into stickers. Our last big hit was Thin Blue Line Rolling Stones Lips, but this Punisher sticker is really hitting home.”
“We got so many clams I could bathe in chowder every morning, and I’m gonna use it all to get my broad something sweet,” he added while starting to count a pile of gold coins on his desk.
At press time, researchers were further confused by the popularity of a decal depicting the Deadpool character peeing on Calvin.